𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐍! | harry styles

𝐈𝐗

August 13, 2009

Dear Bella,

Sea-Monkeys sound like a self-sufficient pet. Maybe I should look into getting some. They're probably much more comfortable to smuggle in than Pop-Tarts, but I'm not sure they'd enjoy the journey if you know what I mean. Thank you for making me laugh. Your sense of prison humor is endearing, but only because it's you. You may want to refrain when talking to someone other than me. I'd hate for you to offend a big, muscular, bald, tattooed ex-felon.

You've completely missed the mark on my appearance. I am hurt! I don't have big muscles. I'm toned I guess. Like I said, I do a lot of jogging. I have a tattoo of a treble clef. I got it when I was 21, right before I graduated. No goatee. That seems like a lot of upkeep, and I really wouldn't feel like me. I try to shave a couple times a week. It's all or nothing. I have a full head of hair. I'm not into the skinhead look. Or did you ask if I'm bald because you think I'm old? If so, I'm not sure how much more of you my ego can take.

You gave a very average sounding description of yourself. I have a feeling you're either being modest or don't have a very clear self-image. If your appearance is in any way reflected in your personality, then you are the most beautiful person I've ever known.

We can't receive anything from the outside. You shouldn't be thinking of sending me things anyway. Put the money toward school or furnishing your apartment. But let's say for a minute that you were going to send me frosting. Would you think less of me if I requested Funfetti?

I try not to think about what life will be like once I'm out. I focus on one day at a time, and thinking about all the things I can't do usually doesn't make it any easier. Besides, when I start counting all the struggles I'll face, I get stressed and anxious. I don't want to get my hopes up either. I could very well be in here another four years. But for you, my dear, I'll take a moment to think about it.

I really look forward to being able to drop my guard. It will also be nice to have control of my own schedule again. If you're looking for a more lighthearted answer, then I'm excited to be able to go out with friends. Maybe to a concert or something. This is assuming I have friends and a way to make money so I can afford to go out. Then, when I do have friends and money, I'll need a cell phone because I don't think my old pager is going to cut it. See? Anxiety is setting in already. Do you think the dumb criminals who are featured on those shows get paid?

When I do get out, I'm sure as hell not going to eat a Pop-Tart or anything else that comes in a package, I can tell you that much. I could really go for a greasy fast food burger. An ice cold beer would be awesome, but that will probably have to wait until my parole is over. And before you start to worry, alcohol was never my vice.

It sounds like you had a nice childhood. I'm glad you got the chance to connect with your dad, even if it wasn't until you were an adult. It's very nice of your mom to help you out with an apartment. Are we talking studio or one bedroom? Do you have any furniture? Have you finished unpacking yet?

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like someone young who hasn't had life chew you up and spit you out. It's a good thing. You're still able to dream big. Don't get me wrong. I still have hopes and dreams, but I can't seem to find the optimism that everything will work out. Life is what you make of it, and I am going to spend the rest of mine working my ass off because my time here will follow me forever. Maybe you can dream big enough for the both of us.

Thank you for brightening my day. I will be forever grateful.

Your inside man,
Harry

p.s. When is your birthday? You don't have to tell me exactly. Maybe just the month or the season it's in.