Running Wild

Part Ten, Home

The nights after this, I had more attacks, but I managed to keep it in control. I didn't want Chris to worry about me, he had Rae to care about.
But I always would dream the same, a recalled memory manipulated by Toby. He would confess his love just before he kills me.
The scene about how he killed that man, and his last look at me repeated in my head so many times, until I held it with my hands and crunched myself together, I knew this position and I didn't like it.

Two weeks had passed since I came home to Chris and Rae. Antoinette has already been released from the hospital and sent back home. She has changed. Of course she wouldn't be the top notch bitch she used to be. But she grew into a real business woman. She was hardly home at all, but when she was she spent all of her time with Rae and Chris. She tried really hard.
Chris thought it might be a good idea to give me some space, so he and Antoinette went out and brought Rae to Antoinette's mother. I sat down in the living room in the evening and watched a movie, but I got this unpleasant feeling that I was being watched. I tried to focus on the voices in the movie but it was hard. Every little sound in the background made me suspicious and scared me, I've never felt like this. I couldn't control my heavy breathing, and I just hoped that my inhalator was somewhere near. And as I heard a knocking I felt like getting a heart attack and couldn't breathe, I searched for the inhalator, but I couldn't find it, obviously, suddenly a hand appeared on my chest. A gloved hand from behind touched my chest and stomach, at the first touch I twitched and my heart has gone even worse. But then I calmed down, and my asthma stopped. Knowing that a person is holding me felt strange, so I didn't dare to turn around. Because I knew, my lung would get bad again if I see who it was who touched me.
I stayed like that a bit, and the person behind me didn't say a word, neither took away their hands, they just let me do what I did. The person basically hugged me from behind, but I needed it. I knew if I turn around I'll see someone I don't want to.
    "Look at me" even if just a little, he shuttered at the 'me'. I pretended not to have heard it. His grip got tighter, it began to burn. I felt his lips at my ear;
    "Look at me" he whispered. Since I came back I didn't feel as secure as I did when I was in the woods. I killed people without a second thought, and now if I twitch at something I have to use an inhalator. It was like a bad joke.
    "Have you become kind-hearted?" The sharp pain in my chest tightened.
    "You ran a little bit to far, I'm af-fraid." He chuckled and embraced me closer from the behind. I felt his chin on my shoulder. What was going on? He let go of my chest and my heart began pounding like wild again. He placed both hands on my hips and kissed my neck. I shivered. I couldn't do anything, couldn't say something, neither move. He stopped and whispered;
    "Wake up." That confused me, it made me think but I didn't understand.
    "This life's not y-yours." my eyes grew bigger. He once kissed my neck before he continued.
    "You belong wit-th me." Somehow I really wanted to believe it, but at the same time I wanted to leave him and everything behind. I was tired. He pressed me tighter to him.
    "They're wat-tching, just do it." Finally something came through.
    "What?" although it's not much. I turned slowly, his hands stayed at my hips but I looked now at his chest. I couldn't look at him.
    "He doesn't like p-people in his woods that aren't h-his, they left you alone because you were w-with me." One hand wandered to my back and the other disappeared. His hand touched my chin and made me look up, at the boy with messy hair and brown eyes. He wiped my hair behind my ears.
    "Because you've b een gone, and it looks sus-spicious" I know what he planned on doing, I let him. His hand pulled my head a bit up to his and he kissed me. His chapped lips kissed me rough, but also soft. As if he wanted to eat me up, but still feared to hurt me, he couldn't decide to either dominate or to caress me.

He acted like he couldn't get enough. In that short gap between our mouths he said.
"Wake up." he stopped kissing me and caressed my cheek. Staring dreamy in my eyes, I didn't know he would show me such a gaze, it was unfamiliar on his face.
    "Wake up and run."
    "What-" he pressed his lips on mine.
    "Shut up." he whispered. "Just do it." I stepped back, getting his hands off me. Staring at him, I stopped after four steps. He wanted to come closer, but I also backed off. I reached out my hand, holding it up, to show him he should keep distance.
    "You're not real." his dreamy look changed into a serious and angry one. My heart hit against my chest from the inside. He came closer, but more scary.
    "Wake up and come home." And then I woke up.

Sweat covered I found myself on the sofa in the living room. The movie I watched has already ended and the menu melody played. Just after a while I realized that I couldn't breathe. But this time my inhalator was lying on the small table next to me. I put my hand on my forehead.
    "Oh god." whispered to myself.