Running Wild

Part Thirteen, Johanna

I couldn't keep doing this anymore, I was tired and worn out. Because of what happened, I couldn't fall asleep until morning. I didn't want to stand up as Chris woke me because he had to show me something. But as he shouted for the third time that I should move my ass downstairs, I forced myself to stand up. Wobbly and with a blurry vision I walked downstairs, I didn't look up or noticed who was standing next to him. I thought it was Antoinette, she was also blonde and tall. But it was Johanna. The Johanna that left me alone when I needed her. The Johanna that I've missed so much these years and who stood next to my brother crying. My speed fastened and I ran into her arms. She cried in my shoulder and I caressed her head. Chris left us alone and went to take care of Rae.
    "I sure thought that was the last time I saw you!" She cried. "I was so worried about you when I heard you weren't in the hospital anymore! I felt so ashamed of everything that happened-"
    "It's fine already. I know you didn't mean it. It was high school." I chuckled. She let me get ready and we left to go to a Diner nearby.
   "So... what have you been doing, after... the hospital? Is it okay to ask?" She said nervously and we got our ordered coffees.
    "It's fine, really. I... I've been.. out of town and... I met someone, a guy. I stayed with him until I came back." She raised her eyebrow in a curious way and took a sip from the coffee.
    "Why did you leave him?" I couldn't exactly tell her that our home burned down while he aggressively murdered a man.
    "It's been complicated, and I wanted to come back... home. To Chris and Grandpa, I wasn't sure weither to call you or not." I played with my fingers, looking down on the table. I was just as nervous as her.
    "What was he like? You've only ever had two boyfriends who were both a douche." She said and leaned back again.
    "Well... he's got brown hair and eyes, he's taller than me and he's calm, mostly. He's helped me out a lot, but... you know... his work wasn't really... legal, so I thought I should back out before something happens. It felt right to come back." I really wanted to believe myself.
    "Does it still feel right?" She asked, as if she's looked through me. But she always had, it was just strange to have her again.
    "I don't know." I took a sip of my own coffee.
    "Then it isn't. If you don't know it for sure it's not what you want. Don't force yourself to something that you don't want just because it looks right." Just listening to what she said made me think about everything at once. About Chris, about Toby, about her and about what I call my life right now.
    "I guess you're right." I wasn't too sure about what that meant though.
    "Tell me what have you been doing?" She smiled.
    "Well, I graduated, studied, failed at it and gave up, I own a flower-shop next to the pharmacy." She laughed as she told me. She'd always dreamed of becoming big and moving to new york.
    "Flowers are nice." I said smiling.

We've spent the whole afternoon in the city, she told me what the town was like after I was gone, who got fat and who got successful. After she went home, and as I was on my way home too, I stopped next to the forest. I wanted to walk on leaves and under the sunlight shining through the high trees. I felt free, without responsibility and care. I felt wild again. This is where I want to be and what makes me happy. My first new found freedom after everything happened was here.
With a good feeling I drove home. Chris and Rae were sitting in the living room playing with her toys.
   "Did you have fun?" He asked me as soon as I entered the room.
    "Yeah, I did... thank you for calling her." He smiled.
    "No problem." I sat down next to them and started playing too.
    "By the way, Chris, is Aunt Kate's House still empty? You know the one bit further up north." He furrowed his eyebrows while thinking,
    "I don't think Grandpa sold it, so it should be. But I'd call him. Why? Do you want to move up there? The house has been empty since I was in high school. That are about 7 or 8 years." I smiled and stood up again.
    "Reagen?!" He shouted after me as I went to call Grandpa. He told me it was still empty and that I could have it if I renovate it.

The next day I drove up to Grandpa's house, to our old house, to pick up the keys. He told me he'd be driving up there with me to check what's working and what's not.
He told me the house was still good, I'd just have to buy new electronics like a Fridge or anything like that.
    "You got luck, Kid. But I'd buy a new bed anyways, anything that looks fishy, throw it away. Kate was her own kind. But aren't ya moving a bit too fast? You just came back." He said as we drove home.
    "I thought about it a lot, I knew that I couldn't stay with any of you forever, and there's someone up there waiting for me, at least I hope so." I laughed a little and he shook his head.
The following weeks Grandpa and Chris helped me transport and build the furniture, Grandpa took care of the water and electronics. It didn't take as long as I thought it would until the house was habitable. Before I moved finally, the five of us went drinking. It was fun and I never thought it would be possible that I'd witness Grandpa and Johanna drinking shots together.
The last night I spent at Chris' and the morning after, I drove up to my new home.