The lost one. Tord X reader.

Chapter one

//this fanfic will include; self harm, suicidal thoughts, depression, and more. Please do not read if you are sensitive to the warnings. Please enjoy and stay mentally okay.//

The air felt cold on my skin. Apart of my arms also burned as I doused them in cold water.

I stayed like that over the sink of my apartment for about five minutes. When I was done I turned the knob to which it shut off the water, making my arms feel a little numb.

I looked down on my arms, ashamed of what I have done.

My arm were marked with red lines that grew puffy and smooth. I sighed as I opened the medicine cabinet to pull out a role of bandages.

I rapped it around my arms slowly and tightly, but not to tight. I took my time as I watch what was once a nice clean white cloth, turn ever so slight stained bandage.

Once I was done, I looked down at my arms again and walked away, not bothering to close my cabinet bathroom mirror.

I sat upon my bed and looked down at the floor. I felt like I needed to do something, but I wasn't up for it.

I wanted to go out with friends, but there was one problem.

I don't have any.

I sighed again, now looking up to my desk that had all my junk and stuff on it. I got up and picked up the peace of paper that I had just put there twenty minutes ago.

It was of course my suicide note. Something I wrote meaningfully.

Dear to whom ever finds this. Since there's no one else that loves me to even care to read this, but...

You are only reading this out of curiosity, but since you were curious, I might as well tell the tale of how I hated the world.

No one in my life ever cared about me. Mother? Father? Siblings? No, they didn't love me.

Just in case you think I'm just telling myself that because I'm so depressed, no, they told me they didn't care for me they're selves.

My mom told me she should have got an abortion, my dad told me he was going to kick me out as soon as I turned eighteen (and he fucking did), my siblings kept telling me I was weird, rude, ugly and stupid.

I was even homeschooled for a year.

But they put me back in school because they didn't want to see me as often anymore...

Ive always dreamed of finding that one person to make me as happy as ever.

It was basically my life goal. It's a sham I didn't accomplish it.

No one loves me. I don't love me.

I tried to care for others but they won't let me, so they pushed me away.

Have you ever felt so alone like this? Like no one gets you and you just want  to set back and wait for something to happen because you're scared you'll get up and break something so you set back down?

So I just needed a break from absolutely everything....

I lived my life ugly, weird, stupid, useless, pathetic, and scared.

I don't want to live anymore.

I would say something pleasant, but it's just the way I am.