Protecting Miss Dawes - a job like any other

Chapter 17: Molly

Next day, Charles suggested that we would go out with the rowboat to try our luck fishing. I had slept badly and was feeling tired and a bit edgy, the recent events were obviously getting to me, so I told him to go fishing himself and stayed on the jetty. I was not in a mood for a fishing lesson.

"Suit yourself, you're missing out on something", he said but made no further attempts to convince me. Maybe he was looking forward to some alone-time in the boat, after all you can get tired of the company of only one person the whole time, even that was not the case for me with him.

I took off my shoes and socks and folded up my trousers to be able to dip my feet in the lukewarm water. I just sat there, enjoyed the stillness, the autumn sun on my face thinking I would probably get new freckles, tried to empty my mind of thoughts. I was beginning to regret not going with him and gazed at the small boat out on the water, where I could see him sitting focused, fishing rod in hand. Then the boat exploded, and I screamed and screamed and screamed.

I woke up from the nightmare screaming for real, did not know where I was in the darkness but felt completely panicked, was shaking and sweating, tears running down my face. Then he was there in a blink, took me in his arms.

"Hush, Molly, hush, it was a dream. Everything's okay."

I clung to him, first unable to speak, then sobbed;

"I dreamed you died. I dreamed the boat exploded with you in it and you were gone."

"But I'm not, I'm here. You're safe. No one knows we're here. No one is going to get you, or me."

I could not stop trembling or crying.

"Come, lay down and I'll hold you."

"It's so embarrassing..."

"No, it's not. Not the least. Do you know how long I had nightmares after Afghan and woke up exactly like this? For a very long time. I still do sometimes. I wish someone would hold me then."

He wrapped me in his arms, held me to him. His body was warm in the special way it is when you sleep. He was dressed only in trunks and held me to his bare chest. I nestled my head to the place between his neck and his collarbone and felt his skin to mine, inhaled his comforting masculine scent deeply and heard his calm heartbeats meanwhile he was stroking my back and my hair.

"It was just a dream", he repeated reassuringly and finally it sank in. Slowly my pulse went back to normal and I stopped trembling, stopped crying, just felt his calming presence and did not want him to disappear.

"I'll stay, just try to fall asleep again."

I could only think how right it felt to lie like this with him, that I always wanted him in my bed and finally I fell asleep again.

When I woke up, the sun was shining, and I was alone in the bed, but I heard him making noise out in the kitchen. The memory of the night came back to me and I could not help feeling embarrassed even if he had told me not to be, so I just stayed there for a while, hiding under the duvet.

"Good morning sleepy head. Breakfast is served."

He said cheerfully and sat down beside me on the bed and I had to look at him. He looked stunning in a grey hoodie and joggers and I could not quite grasp that this man had been holding me through the night, that I had been allowed to be so close to him. Now it was bright day and I was not.

"Good morning... Sorry about last night, I didn't mean to cling to you like a needy octopus."

He laughed at the image but shook his head.

"I told you, no need to be sorry. I know what it's like and it's completely understandable after everything you have been trough. It would be strange if it didn't affect you. When you return to civilisation you should probably see someone to talk about it, to deal with it."