Oasis skies

Chapter 4

"Mum, I'm gay."

Silence. It filled up the room like thick, oozing tar, making tension spill through the windows.

"Get out." She spoke the words with such sharp intensity, I wasn't sure she was the one who said them.

I froze, unsure of what to do.

She looked up at me before screaming 'You heard me, get the fuck out of my house!"

I scrambled out of the house, barely grabbing my coat before I heard her approaching. Tears formed in my eyes s I dashed out of the front door.

"And never come back you queer little shit!"

I was already out of the door when I realised I had nowhere to go.

Shivering, I walked across the street to the bus station. I was cold, wet and sad. Honestly, I don't even think 'sad' is the right way to describe it. At first, all I felt was emptiness, which was bearable. However, it soon morphed into a sharp pain in my chest that seemed to stab straight into my heart.

I stayed there all night, sleeping for what seemed like half an hour as a shifted around on the uncomfortable metal, trembling from the cold.

By the morning, my entire body was numb. I couldn't tell  if it was from the pain or the cold. I trudged up to my house door, hoping that my mum had maybe come to her senses.

Hesitantly, I rang the doorbell, my fingers trembling.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Wait, mum, I-"

"Shut up, Alex, I thought I made it clear," she spat venomously, "you are not my son anymore."

Her words knocked the wind out of me, daggers of pain shooting through my chest.

And then all I saw was red.

I lunged at her, scratching, punching- her hair was coming out in clumps as I grappled at it with my slender fingers.

It was only after the neighbours pulled me off her, screaming and crying out at me to stop, that I released her.

And I realised that I don't deserve to live.

***

I wake with almost no air in my lungs. I find myself clawing at my throat, trying to somehow scratch open my airways.

'get out'

'you're disgusting'

'you queer little shit'

'fag'

'you're not my son anymore'

"Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up!" I scream, wrestling with my paper-thin sheets that entangle me within themself.

The voices continue ringing throughout my brain; all I want is for them to stop. I topple out of my bed and slam my head on the floor until the voices quiet and all that remains is the overwhelming pain in my skull.

I tuck my knees into my chest, hugging and sobbing into them as if they are my mother and everything is okay again.

Soon, I am aware of another presence in the room and, as I open my eyes, I'm met with the ironically sift gaze of two stormy grey eyes.

"Alex, are you okay?" Chris asks.

"Bit of a stupid fucking question, isn't it?"

"I know," he smiles "but that wasn't really supposed to be a question."

"What was it then?"

"An invitation to talk." He says softly.

I stare at him for a while, before I nod my head and shift next to him.

"I'm absolutely batshit crazy," I say, chuckling without humour, "I always have been, just took a few things to set it off. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm too depressed to even move. My head is either completely empty or my thoughts are rushing around at a mile per minute. I hear voices, Chris, fucking voices, and sometimes al I can do to escape them is to..."

"Die?" he whispers softly.

"Yeah..."

He reaches out to touch me but seems to think better of it and retracts his hand.

"Do you want me to..." He speaks after a while of silence.

"No," I laugh an empty laugh, "just... just sing to me."

He nods his head and parts his lips.

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone...

That night, I fell asleep to the voice of an angel.

***

Word Count: 675 words :)

I decided to put these chapters together to make them a bit longer :)