Tell Me Why

Chapter 9 (Graveyard Dancing)

    I walked to the sink and looked into my shattered mirror. My arm was throbbing, it hurt so bad. I kept telling myself how done I was. I felt it, I knew it. All that needed to happen was for someone to push me over the edge. There's not much room on this edge I'm standing on. I got one foot on the ground and the other hanging over. It wouldn't take much to make me fall.

    I had been so focused on my thoughts that I'd drown out the sound of my blaring music. The doorbell rang as someone violently pounded on the door. I ran to see who it was. As soon as I opened the door my "neighbor" began screaming and yelling at me.

   "What the hell is wrong with you Ana! You've had that fucking music blaring all night! You're lucky I don't beat you. I'm calling the cops, they can deal with you. Turn the goddamn music off or I'll be back, and it won't be pretty."

    "I.. I- I'm sorry sir.."  I opened my mouth to say this, but no sound came out. He stood in the doorway staring at me.

    "What's wrong with you girl!" He was laughing hysterically. "You retarded or something? Stupid stupid little girl." He continued to laugh as he walked down the steps.

    My heart dropped, I felt empty. I walked back to my bathroom with my shaky legs. As I walked down the dark hall, I changed my course and went to my mum's room because my pills were in there. I dug through all the drawers to find them. Once I did, I took the bottle and walked back to my bathroom. I sat on the ground in front of the bathtub. Tears started to roll down my cheek uncontrollably, as I struggled to open the lid. As the lid clicked open, a couple pills popped out. I dumped all of the pills into my hand, put them in my mouth and swallowed.

    Thirteen minutes had past and my stomach was starting to hurt, it was even hard to keep my eyes open. I reached into my dresser drawer for my notebook and pen. I was so out of it, I didn't realize that my arm was still bleeding.

    I started writing, "I'm sorry guys, but it was my time. Its okay. You guys are better off. Everybody is. You don't have to worry anymore. I'm not in pain anymore and I'm not suffering. Everything will be okay, I promise. Tell my "friends" that its okay, its not their fault, and they couldn't have stopped me. Nobody could have. Tell my boyfriend the same. Please, you have to tell him that I love him, that I'm sorry it came to this, but its okay. He has to know that he's the only reason that I stayed for so long, he kept me alive. This is not his fault. I love you guys. Thank you for trying, but this was bound to happen. I'm actually kind of nervous. I don't know where I'm going yet... But I'll let you know from the other side. I'll be watching over you guys. I was just a lost angel ready to go home. It'll be okay.

                                   -Love Ana"