Tell Me Why

Chapter 14 (Angel Breath)

        "Tidal waves, they rip through me
        Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
                        Pick me up now
                      I need you so bad"
           
              __________________________
       
   

    You never know how bad you want something, until your like me and can't have it.

    The hours and minutes just passed by very slowly, not once did he move, he never left my side. I stood in the corner and just watched him, that's all I could do. He crawled onto the hospital bed with me and just laid there with his arm across my mid waist, just held me.

     I felt so tired and weary. It took the life out of me to look at myself and Jey sleeping next to me. Everything felt so heavy. The air was dense, like a thousand tons of bricks on my chest. My eyes were heavy, all I wanted to do was sleep, but there's non of that where I am.

    Morning came and Jey was still sleeping. It was the cutest and sweetest thing ever. His mum came in with tears in her eyes, she just stood looking at us for a few moments gasping for breath a few times and letting more tears fall.

    "Jey... Jey, sweetie" she said as she shook his arm a little bit, "baby, think I should take you home."
    He woke up abruptly and slid his hand down my arm holding mine, "What is it mum? Why are you crying? Why is everyone crying? Why are the doctors in here?" He said this very panicky.

    "Sweetie, let's go. You shouldn't be here while they do this."
    "Mum just tell me what the hell is going on!" He screamed, "I'm not fucking going anywhere until you tell me what's happening!"
    "Jeydon, listen to me. Calm down. They're pulling the plug on life support, she's not going to make it. She got what she wanted didn't she? Now I'm going to take you home  because you don't need to be here when they do this."
    Jeydon laid his head on my chest and started sobbing. He wrapped both hands around my lifeless body and just cried. This wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't want to drag him into this. "Baby I'm sorry. I.. I... I am so so so sorry, this wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't mean to hurt you."
    It took Jey's dad and two nurses to pull him away and out of the room. "No! Let me go! You can't do this to her! She's going to make it, I know it! Don't fucking do this! Give her a chance!" He sobbed and just broke down to the floor crying. His dad sighed and set his hand on his back. "Do not touch me."
    "I'm sorry son. I know this is hard and that it hurts, but her mum has already made up her mind; and trust me she doesn't want this either. The doctors called her last night because they took more test, CAT scans, and MRIs. Son, her liver failed and she's going more and more brain dead. I really am sorry son."
    "Dad just go. I know your just trying to make me feel better, but its not working. Just leave."

    His dad walked away. Jey got up and went back into the room sitting on the edge of the bed caressing my hands. I was as shocked as the next person, but looking at him cry tore me apart. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want him to see me like this. How stupid am I, hurting everyone I love and care about?

    My mum came in and stood by the door just watching Jey. She slowly walked up behind him and laid a hand on his back making him turn around to look at her with his tearful eyes. They were both crying, something that never happened at the same time. Jey stood up and hugged her resting his head on her shoulder, sobbing. He whispered, his voice breaking, "I'm so so sorry Ms. D. I should've done something to stop her. I should've saved her."
    "Jeydon honey, couldn't have stopped her or saved her. Nobody could have. You can't blame yourself sweetie." She replied, her voice also breaking.

    "I miss her so much!" He exclaimed, "I'm never going to see her again! Never hear her voice, see her smile, kiss her lips, hold her hand! Nothing!"
    "I know sweetie. I know. Its going to be okay. She's in a better place. Somewhere she can't hurt anymore."

    The doctors came in and asked them to stand outside. Mum and Jey stood by the window looking in. I still sat curled up in the corner and watched as they pulled the sheet over my head and shut off the machine. Air stopped pumping to my lungs and the heart monitor flat-lined. Watching my boyfriend and mum turn to each other and sob profusely in each others arms was the most heart wrenching thing in the world. I turned and look at my lifeless body. "No!"