Scars

XVIII

Yoongi didn't even speak to his friends anymore.
It was summer break, a month after Hoseok had left him, and all he would do was sit in his room and cry.
Usually, Yoongi and his friends had a thing of going out together whenever they could during summer break, but Yoongi refused to do it this year.
He wasn't motivated to do anything.
Even his mother couldn't get him to leave his room.
Yoongi had stopped eating when he noticed scars appearing on his arms again.
Hoseok was trying to move on.

He never wanted you.

The voices were back.

He used you.

Yoongi believed the voices in his head.
Hoseok had used him.
He used him and then left as soon as he could, the day after Yoongi had poured all of his passion into him.
He took his heart and ran away with it.
What did Yoongi expect?
Hoseok to actually love him?
Nobody would love Yoongi.
Yoongi didn't even love himself, so why did he expect someone else to?
He would be lying if he said he didn't dream about Hoseok coming back.
He would also be lying if he said he didn't think this was all just some horrible nightmare.
But it was reality.
He'd really lost Hoseok, and he was probably never getting him back.

He never loved you, don't be an idiot.

He just used you for sex, Yoongi.

He just wanted someone to fuck.

You were just a sex toy.

Yoongi felt the tears start streaming down his face as he curled up into a ball.
All his voices were right.
He was just a living sex toy.
He didn't deserve love.
He didn't have it and nobody would ever give him it.
It hurt to admit it, but Yoongi was tired.
He was tired of chasing after Hoseok, just wanting the male to love him.
He was tired of pretending he was okay.
He was far from okay.