A Bleacher Boy's Perspective (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 18

I sucked in a breath of air as silence filled the empty space between us. Nothing but the rapid beat of my heart filling my ears. Images of blinding white sheets and walls, hospital beds and heaps of tubes and wires with no clear beginning or ending flashed through my head. A shudder involuntarily rakes through me leaving behind goosebumps in its wake.

"It's nothing." I glower, shutting the blinds and climbing back into my bed. I draw the blanket around me, shuffling into the wrappings, all its warmth from earlier now long gone. "You should probably go now."

Derek's eyebrows knit together, giving me a dumb look "Are you an idiot?"

I bite back the snarky response that first comes to mind. I was trying to have better control my anger and contain my emotions. My inability to keep my damn mouth shut and keep my head cool has caused me more trouble than not. I hated feeling like I was under everybody's microscope like I was some novel specimen they had to figure out. If nobody suspected that something was wrong, I'd wouldn't have to worry about people sticking their noses where it didn't belong. It was better this way.

Ignoring his comment, I continue, "I'm really tired I think I'm going to sleep for a couple more hours." As much as I want the extra hours of sleep I doubt I'd be able to catch a wink if I tried.

"What's going on?" He takes a tentative step closer to the edge of the bed as if any sudden move might make me strike. "What's with the push and pull? I thought things were alright between us. What have I done wrong now?" I lift my head to face him, struck by his rattled appearance. His caramel apple green eyes were wide and his plump bottom lip was wedged between his teeth. As if we were magnets and metal, I felt a tug in my chest, urging me to hold onto him and comfort him. Knowing I was the reason the confident quarterback felt so anxious made my heart ache in shame. Another, more familiar part of me tells me to say something I know will hurt him because I know it will make him leave. Even if I don't really mean it.

Ignore it. Ignore it. I chant to myself, half pleading and half stubbornly refusing to fall back into the trap I always seem to set for myself.

If I can't push him away, then I settle for the one other thing I seem to excel at: running away.

I raise my hand over my mouth, feigning a yawn. "Now just isn't a good time."

His eyes dart between me and the door, as if contemplating whether it's really a good idea to leave me by myself. He hesitantly approaches the door, turning back to face me every now and then as if looking for any reason to justify him staying or maybe hoping I'd jump up and say, "Hey, man! I was just kidding around! Get your ass back here!" Arriving empty-handed he sighs in disappointment, moving to shut the door softly behind him.

A wave of guilt washes over me and the need to offer some reassurance is enough to drive me into action. "Wait!" I grumble. Miraculously, he seems to hear me and a moment later he cautiously cracks the door wide enough to poke his head back into the room. I ignore the joyful bounce I feel in my chest when I catch sight of the hopeful glint in his eyes. "I'm not mad at you, okay? We're still good."

He doesn't say anything when he closes the door again, this time for good, and neither do I. But this time we both know that goodbye is goodbye for now. I lie back down and heave a sigh of relief. We're still good.

My first mistake was thinking I could hide from Derek Williams. I couldn't slink into the shadows now that he had seen me.

He was far too stubborn to let me.

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It wasn't until Monday evening that I finally found out the reason why Derek had shown up at my house unannounced that weekend.