Playing and Riding

Chapter 10 - God

Then, it was time for the burial. The sky was overcast. Clouds were blocking the sun and preventing it from directly shining light on us. Funny, because the mood didn't feel bright and sunny at all. The priest blessed the land before they lowered my mom and dad in the ground, side by side. Nobody came up to me. After all, I did just drop a bombshell earlier, and some of them didn't agree with it. I didn't mind because I didn't feel like listening them try to be fake to me.

Randy and I stood by the spot where the freshly scooped dirt covered the caskets that held my parents, even after everybody left. Tyler and Julia stood further back to give us more space.

"So, was all of that stuff you said true?" My brother asked.

I knew he was referring to my speech earlier. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," Randy consoled me. "I never knew you felt that way."

"You don't have to be sorry. You did nothing wrong. Growing up together, I always felt like I had to chase after you because you were so amazing. I guess that's how much I admired you. And, I still do admire you. I just think maybe I should stop being like you and be more like me."

He put his arm around me and pulled me close. "Well, I already knew I was amazing." I laughed a little and lightly punched him, making him laugh. "But, seriously, I never want you to try to be me. I want you to be your own person, too. And, I know you'll be just as amazing as Dad and Mom imagined you to be."

I smiled wider this time and put my arm around him.

"Come on. Let's go," Randy announced. I nodded my head. We turned and walked to Tyler and Julia.

When we walked to where they were, I declared, "Actually, I want to make one more stop before I head home."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Tyler inquired.

"No, I think I want to be alone for this. I'm just going to be sitting in the church for a little."

Tyler gave a slightly confused and uneasy look but relented. He followed Randy and Julia to Randy's truck while I walked to my truck. I slowly drove back to the church where we had the funeral service. Walking through the doors, I slowly sauntered down the aisle and sat in one of the pews, staring at the cross in the front of the room. What am I doing here, actually? Did I feel bad about coming out in a church? I didn't plan it but that's just what happened.

"I don't suppose you're here to ask for forgiveness for the speech you gave earlier today, are you?" A voice questioned.

I turned. It was the priest who helped lead the funeral service and blessed the land where my parents laid.

I turned back to the front. "No, Father," I responded, trying to be polite.

I must have accidentally sounded cold because he put a hand on my shoulder and apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." He paused. "May I join you?" He put his hand out to signal at the pew.

"No, go right ahead." I slid further down, still staring at the front. The priest sat down next to me.

"Regarding my earlier question, I'm hoping you are not here to try to repent for engaging in homosexual behavior."

I quickly turned to the priest in shock. "Doesn't the church believe that laying with another man is a sin?"

He smiled. "The clergy has read the Bible very closely. Even though it does condemn certain homosexual behavior, it doesn't condemn homosexuality in general. The Bible claims that homosexual behavior is only sinful if it involves inflicting violence on or seeking exploitation of another party. But, you need to keep in mind that in the past when the Bible was written, homosexuality wasn't a concept that was understood at the time. It's only recently that people are trying to understand it."

Still a little skeptical, I gave him an uneasy look. "But, what's your opinion?"

He warmly smiled. "I believe in love. It makes humans do great things. And, I don't think it should matter who you share that love with, be it a woman or another man."

"Oh." I blew a sigh of relief but began feeling ashamed of myself for making a false accusation, so I looked down.

He lied back. "I believe that every person is entitled to their own interpretation of the Bible." He turned back to me and placed a hand on my lap. "But, I'm sorry you had to go through all that you did. I don't believe anyone deserves to go through that kind of hate and animosity. So, I apologize if anybody who follows the path of God wishes to do you harm in any way. That includes all who worship at this church."

I smiled. "Thank you, Father. But, I just I wish I wasn't this way."

"You shouldn't say that." He put a hand on my shoulder. "God made each and every human in His image, including you. Be proud of who you are."

I paused to let his words sink in. "Thanks, again, Father." I patted his hand.

"Of course. Anytime. I'm happy that I could help. Now-," He stood up. "I hope you swiftly recover through this difficult time. I wish you the best. May God be with you wherever you go."

I thanked him again, and he walked away. I stood up and smiled at the cross, before turning to leave.