Draw my Eyes

Shadows of the Past

Everything comes down to my mind now, I've always been the mean one, the villain of the story. Can I change the past? I've always wonder what would happen if we humans would have the ability to go back in the past, maybe change either a small or a big detail, how much would it affect in our present or our future. I once read in a magazine that Time doesn't exists, but clocks do. We're surrounded by things, activities and actions controlled by time, our boss. We work for time and slowly damage ourselves.
It's such a shame we don't have that ability, because I really need it right now. I can't cope with the fact that I gave my brother that horrible scar in his face. Why did I tried to kill him? Until this day, I don't know. I'm just standing here, surrounded by my parents yelling at me, but I'm looking from the outside,  I'm an invisible expactator, and I can't do nothing to change what I've done. The golden katana lies on the ground, full of blood that becomes one with the grass.
A thunder bursts over my ears, and everything turns black.

Am I dead?
I try to clear my mind, to relax and think about beautiful things, nature, butterflies, but nothing seems to work. I star to freak out, because my weak brain probably made me stop breathing. I'm dead.

                                                                                       ♦♦♦

After a few seconds I feel a weird tickle in my hand. I slowly begin to open my eyes. At first, everything looks cloudy, but I distinguish the touch of the wooden floor in my back. As I roll my eyes to my hand, I visualize a cockroach walking up my hand. I desperately star moving my hand, trying to get it off me; when I finally do it, I get up on my feet and star running, in the dark. I run back to the hallway, terrified, not knowing where I am, who I am, or who am I supposed to be. I hear cracking noises downstairs, like if someone is walking over the chendelier's broken pieces. Those noises startle me, it gives me such a deadly headache and makes my whole body feel awkwardly numb.

My mind is being bombarded with everlasting memories, with a past I will never be able to change, and an unknown future I'm both excited and terrified of. I fall to my knees, and suddenly feel the need to cry, but my eyes are completely dry; or is it my heart? My lungs are foregetting how to work, shapeless shadows surround me and soon begin to hug me, protecting me from myself.