Trust me. (Togami×Fukawa)✔

XIII || his 2/2

"I never said I planned on it."

Touko looked at with the most desperate eyes... she looked at me with pain and fear and stress and I didn't know what she was thinking, I'm sure she thinks i'm angry, i'm positive, how do people who love each other put the others thoughts at ease? Fuck- how do I make her feel like she can relax?

WAIT she thinks i wanna leave her? why would she think that? I snap a few times a day but it's never gotten to her like this before... what did i do wrong? what does she think she did wrong? did she do something behind my back and feels guilty about it?

No she couldn't if she wanted to. Did someone do something to her and she doesn't feel like she can trust me or like i should trust her? or the least likely; does she not love me anymore?

Dammit if only I knew what was going through her head.

"I-I-I'm s-so sorry B-Byakuya-S-sama I-I d-d-didn't mean to f-frustrate you..."

I guess i seem upset? I sighed.

her stutter is terrible, shes crying and i haven't said more than ten words, "Touko whats wrong with you?"

well that didn't come out right-

"W-what..?" she clearly took my tone at surface value. "Whats going on with you?" that was better. "I-I-I...." tears cascaded down her face. "I d-d-don't want y-you to b-break it o-off w-with m-me...."

My mind cleared of any suspicions or inquires, i know it shouldn't have why do i not doubt her word?

I scoffed/snickered,"Who in the hell gave you such a foolish idea like that?"

dammit i didn't think before i spoke again.

"N-n-nobody! I-I j-just... y-y-you don't d-deserve s-s-such a d-dumb, f-fat, u-u-ugly s-stupid b-b-bitch fo-for a girlfriend..."

she didn't stutter over girlfriend.

"I never called you any of that." I said this off the cuff, even though she and i both knew it. "I-I-I'm s-sorry!" Toko and this damn stutter. "So you don't think you're worthy of me?"

I Assured. Fukawa nodded. "I k-know i-I'm n-n-not..." She corrected. I gently pulled my hands from Touko and crossed my arms across my chest, laid on my back and stared at the ceiling.

"M-M-Master I-"

I'm talking now i guess and that feeling is back. she looked so hurt and I felt it. But that master thing again.

"Stop talking." Touko quickly obeyed. "I've had just about enough of your self deprecation, your ridiculous stutter and you're back-talking. Sure you're not the prettiest or the smartest and you can be real blonde sometimes but you have real potential."

I closed my eyes and sighed before continuing. "It absolutely astounds me that you feel as though I," i laughed underneath my next statement "I would ever leave you after treating you so.... so..."

what was the word? i felt like i was searching through a dictionary with a page ripped out.

Differently? no, Kindly? no.

"Genuinely and generously! We fight a lot and i'm stubborn, yes but we always move forward." i opened my eyes and turned to look at Touko who had stopped crying. 

"You and I have a connection that I've never felt before and maybe in another life or something you didn't know if you were sure about that maybe in another life I was, maybe in another galaxy you and I are better than this. Better than petty arguments and fights about nothing that get us nowhere."

I closed my eyes again massaged the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I'm not sure how to ease your... frustration...? with your worth to me but Trust me" 

Touko hesitated but then nodded which insisted she was lying. "Then Trust me Fukawa." She nodded. "Y-Yes sir..." I raised an eyebrow, she'd never call me sir. "Sir?" she immediately seemed embarrassed. "I-I mean Ma- I... Sorry, S-s-sorry." I shook my head, "Fukawa, You call me by my name," 

Is she used to people leaving her, has someone abused her? is she scared of me?

is she scared of... me?

"Touko?" she hummed in response. "I'm tired. Set an alarm for 30 minutes." She nods frantically and quickly found my phone, she turned it on and looked at me. "Your birthday" I said simply knowing that she was confused about the password. Touko smiled slightly but dropped it damn near immediately.

       she looked to quickly set it an put it on her nightstand. She stood for a while before I realized that she didn't know what to do next. "Do you have no mind of your own?" I asked in an unintentionally bitter tone. "B-b-but I-I-" I cut her off.

 "Do what you want." She seemed nervous as she got back into the bed, like she was waiting for approval, I'm not gonna do anything, obviously, she needs to learn to think and act for herself. I lifted the blanket though to let her underneath.

I took mine and her glasses off, the put them on the other night stand closer to me. "hold me." I simply stated. Touko did that quick smile thing again and put her arm under my torso and the other around me while sliding closer to hug me. I put one hand on her face and the other under my head like y'know normal people sleep. 

spoiler alert; i didn't fall asleep, I just laid there and thought. I wonder what's going through her head? I wonder if I was right, does she hate me? does she respect me? does she think I don't love her? does she think i don't care? It's not in my nature to be gentle and caring but if that's the kind of compassion sympathy and empathy that Touko needs then maybe I can find it in myself to learn how to be sensitive to her.

What's up with Touko's behavior? I thought about her being abused or assaulted at one point possibly but i have no evidence so i have no case. I could be entirely wrong for all i know it's just a stupid suspicion but if it's true i have to take into account realism; who would have done that? why would they have done that? She truly only interacts with her family, this all just felt like a really back shojo manga.

Maybe I should give it a rest. The truth should reveal itself sooner or later.