tour | dorbyn

thirty three

"so tell me daniel." the therapist, by the name of meave, spoke with a gentle voice. "what's going on in your life."

daniel stayed quiet. he bounced his leg up and down, looking around her office. she was seated on a single couch. a coffee table divided him and her. he sat on a love seat. the office was colored a light yellow, and different sorts of plants were decorated around.

meave, looked like he could be his mother. she had curly brown hair. her skin was porcelain and she had striking blue eyes. she wore a loose sweater and overalls. something about her presence was relaxing daniel.

"we don't have to talk about anything personal yet if you don't want to. how about tour. your friend.. bandmate, jack, told me you and your band were on your US leg, is that right?"

daniel nodded his head.

"are you getting enough sleep?"

daniel blinked. no one really asked him that. ever. he swallowed, "not really, no."

"can i ask why? if you aren't comfortable telling me, don't tell me." she smiled warmly.

"i don't sleep well." he said quietly. he moved his hand to his stomach. he desperately wanted a drink, but he wouldn't. he refused to hurt his baby. "i usually get a only few hours."

his eyes drifted down to pictures on the coffee table of meave, a man and a baby. he pointed to the picture. "you have a kid?"

she smiled. "i do. her name is lexi. that's my husband travis. can i ask you a question? we can go back and forth if you'd like. i want you to answer my questions to the best of your ability. if you don't want to answer a question, just tell me."

daniel nodded his head again.

"how come you don't sleep well?" she asked. she looked at the clearly broken boy. his hair was unstyled. he had huge bags under his eyes, and his eyes looked red and puffy. it looked as if his mind was constantly running.

"i can never shut my mind off. what was the hardest part of pregnancy?"

meave played with her wedding ring. "probably.. the contractions. what's your favorite thing about touring?"

daniel smiled small. "the fans." he croaked out. "how old is she?"

"lexi? she's only three." meave smiled. "you look like you want to break down. can i ask why?"

daniel pursed his lips. he moved his eyes off of the picture, looking back up at his therapist. "if i tell you, you can't kick me out. i've lost too many people."

meave's heart snapped in two for her client. "of course i won't leave you, honey."

"are you sure? i don't know if you'll want a fag-"

"daniel do not finish that sentence." meave said. daniel avoided eye contact, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "i don't want you calling yourself that word. ever."

"when you hear it constantly you start believing it."

"how much hate do you get?"

daniel looked up at her. "what do you mean?"

"on a daily basis, how much hate do you get? do you get more hate than the other boys?"

daniel shrugged, "i would say me and jack get the most."

"do you think you could tell me why?" she asked, not forgetting about the thing daniel was going to tell him.

"well." he took a deep breath. "jack's dating zach. not many people are happy about that. and i'm just.. me. i have so many flaws, i get called an alcoholic. a faggot. that my tooth gap should get fixed. they constantly point out my flaws." he breathed out. "i never mention it to anyone."