THE FORGOTTEN | K.S.J x K.T.H ☑️

Regrets

Taehyung's POV

You know that feeling when you're half awake and half asleep? That's the state I am in right now. Getting lost in my thoughts and getting lost in time. I sometimes wish I'm just dreaming.

The past few weeks have been gruelling. I already asked Soobin not to accept new patients. I just want to think and be alone for a while. I asked Yoongi to cover up for me as I need time to recharge and recover.

I worry about Seokjin. I wonder how he is right now. I always see him waiting for me at the porch or at the couch every night. I know he was staring at me but I don't have the guts to even look at him. Time came that I intentionally left  home very early and came home late just to make sure he's already asleep once I arrived. And it breaks my heart whenever I see him fell asleep on the couch.

I also worry about the baby. I still can't believe how it happened. I don't know until now how to accept the news. Male pregnancy is definitely not possible, until Seokjin proved me wrong. I even insisted that he's having PTSD when in fact, it's just me who thought he really has it. He was telling me the truth all along but I chose to ignore and think that he's just going through something.

I just spend my days at Jungkook's apartment or at Yoongi's home. Alcohol has been my constant companion to help me get to sleep. I am a doctor but I can't handle stress right. I know that I've been hurting Seokjin so bad but I'm not yet ready to face him. I just want to dwell with my feelings. Feelings that I can't even understand.

I can still remember how Seokjin cried that night I learned about his pregnancy. I can still remember how his voice trembled while telling me everything about him and his family. I was overshadowed with anger and guilt that I failed to understand him.

He said sorry that he betrayed me. Was i betrayed? I think yes because he did not tell me that he can get pregnant. He did not say anything that night when he came in my bedroom asking for help.

However, even if he said that, I know I will just laugh it off and will not believe him. It's not his fault. There was no betrayal.

He said that he's not asking me to accept him. He just wants me to accept the baby.  Can I do that? I love him so much. But I'm also asking myself why it's so hard for me to accept the truth?

I think I still need more time to think. I love Seokjin. I love the baby. I still don't know what's holding me back.

"Here, take this." Yoongi hand me a box.

"What's this?" I asked while opening the box. "Shaver?!"

"I thought you lost yours? You looked like a garbage, did you know?" Yoongi is just blatant.

"I do?"

"Well I guess you should shave your beard or better shave your whole head and stop acting like your some stupid shit! Come on man! Can you act like a real man? Own up and accept the baby!"

"Yoongi its not that. I want the baby of course. I love Seokjin. You know that. You just don't understand my feelings right now. I didn't expect that I can get Seokjin pregnant. The fact that he is a male, it just felt weird." I tried to explain.

"Okay hyung, listen. I respect you being my sunbae but you're still my friend. I understand that you're shocked. You are. That's normal. And you're still going through that feeling. I can't blame you. I might act the same if it happened to me. We are doctors and we know what happened to Seokjin is just impossible. But it happened. Shits happened. Maybe you're just ashamed that you made Seokjin looked stupid when in fact he's slapping you with the truth. Just own it up and be a man! It's your fault. It's not his. I know his kind is not normal to us but I just want to remind you that he's the you chose to love. You should accept whatever he is. He's not a criminal. He's just a male like you but can get pregnant. Isn't that an advantage? I mean, come on! So better go home and listen to him. In the end, he's still your partner and he's carrying your child. Just swallow your fucking pride."

Yoongi was just right. What he said was all right. Truth hurts. And Yoongi just made me realized that. All along, all I need is Yoongi telling me the blatant truth.

I bought a bouquet of flowers. I know I need to make it up with Seokjin. I've been too harsh to him the past two weeks and I know I owe him big time.

I knocked on his bedroom door that evening. "Seokjin? Babe, can we talk?"

No answer.

I turned the knob and it was open. I pushed the door but the lights are off. Seokjin hates darkness. He never sleeps without a dim light. I turned in the light but the bed is empty. "Seokjin? Babe?" I called. I tried to look inside the bathroom but its also empty. I checked on his closet, all his clothes were there.

"Beomgyu?" I went to the kitchen. Something's not right.

"Yes doc?"

"Where's Seokjin? He's not in his bedroom." I asked. I don't know why I'm feeling nervous.

Beomgyu stared at me for a moment.

"Yes? Where is he?" I asked again.

"Doc, Seokjin already left three days ago."

"What do you mean?" Feels like someone splashed a bucket of ice cold water above my head.

I started to panic. I dialled his number and tried to call him.

"Doc sorry." I saw Beomgyu holding a very familiar phone. "I'm sorry sir but he left the phone. He did not bring anything. He said he doesn't own them. Jimin-shi came by yesterday to return the clothes Seokjin-shi was wearing when he left. I'm sorry sir but I don't know where he went."

I froze. What did I just heard? I really felt I'm getting nauseous. I rushed in my car. I need to see Jimin before the department store closes. I know Seokjin is with him.

I drove. I did not even notice I'm already crying. Everything just keeps on sinking in now. Why am I that stupid? I did not even noticed that Seokjin wasn't at home. And what sucks even more was that, it's been three days! Yoongi was right, I'm just a stupid shit.

When i arrived at the store, I immediately asked for Jimin. But it just made everything worst. Jimin already resigned and the last thing they know was he will go back to their hometown. Nobody knows where.

I went home empty handed. I want to scream in frustration. I hit the wall until my knuckle bleeds. What the hell have I done? Because of my stupid pride, I just lost my partner and my child.

And I don't know how to find them.