Once Again (Book three of the Changes series)(discontinued)

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Tw: Graphic Attempted Suicide

 Yoongi retreated to his room after a little while into the celebration, unable to battle back his memories any longer. Wobbling tears made their way down his pale cheeks as he held his stomach, images of cold tables and sedative needles flashing through his head.

He knew that he slipped down to a sitting position against the wall, burying his face in his legs. He attempted to be quiet, but eventually, he was lost into the panicked whorl of thoughts in his mind, and sobs slipped through his knees, filling the jaunting silence of the room. He was jealous of Jungkook, how he had the father of his child by his side, always to protect him. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to Jungkook, and was excited for the birth of his child. That's all Yoongi had wanted; the support of the one he loved, the father of his child, and the protection it brought with it. Without it, his child hadn't made it to birth, and he was left traumatized and heartbroken. 

It wasn't fair, Yoongi decided, but nothing was fair when it came to his life. If something was able to go wrong, you bet it did. He wondered if all this bad luck was going to add up, and he'd be awarded with the most amazing thing he could think of, which at this point, was probably just for the past four years to start over, so he could have just accepted a ride home, then everything would be different. 

But it was terrible for him to think that! He shook the thoughts out of his head. Even if he got nothing but heartbreak and trauma from those memories, he couldn't take them from the others! Tae and Kookie were going to have a baby for crying out loud, and he would never even think of taking someone else's child. 

It would have to be a different wish, when the time came, like a big palace to live in, or a new boyfriend, who would never hurt him. Maybe he could start over. Maybe life was trying to tell him something...

Yoongi's eyes widened slightly at the next thought that flashed through his mind, but he didn't quite dismiss it. It made perfect sense, life was always trying to kill him, like they had sent him out too early, and needed him back so they could give him a perfect life. Before he realized it, Yoongi was in the bathroom, picking apart a razor to get to the blade, the one that would make everything okay.

Maybe he would be a prince in the next life, or a celebrity. Maybe he would sell music and live in a mansion. Maybe he would get parents that cared for him, and close family. The hybrid grew excited thinking of the possibilities as he ripped the blade free of the razor and tossed the mangled plastic aside. 

Loud laughter filled his ears from the living room. What about them? Would they be sad? Why would they be? He was going to go to a better life! But they didn't know that, he should write them a letter, then they would know! They would be so happy for him, maybe they would miss him a bit, but he was sure they'd be glad.

Yoongi ran back to his room and found a piece of paper, scribbling down his letter quickly, he could hardly wait!

Finally, finally everything was ready. Yoongi climbed into the bathtub, not wanting Jin to have to clean up his mess, and then the blade was slicing through his skin, though, in Yoongi's disconnected state, he did not feel the pain. Blood flowed freely, but Yoongi decided he could not wait, and created many other wounds in his arms.

A moment later, Yoongi realized what he had done. He was not in his right mind when he slit his wrists, disassociated with reality. Pain crashed over him and he panicked. He pressed his wrists against his shirt, attempting to stamp the blood. Panicked cries slipped from his mouth, though all he could hear was the laughter in the living room. He attempted to stand, but slipped in the blood pooled in the tub, crashing to the ground. Maybe it was for the better that he died, everyone would be happier... He distantly accepted his fate.

The laughter cut off and footsteps approached. Yoongi was too lightheaded to attempt to stand again, and just prayed he had left the door unlocked.

~~~

When Jin heard the crash from the bathroom, without any calling out of "I'm ok" he was concerned. He stood and walked to the door, excusing himself from the conversation. Knocking on the door, he got no response.

"Yoongi?" He called, to no answer. "I'm coming in," He warned before opening the bathroom door. 

And was met with a sight that would haunt him for years to come. 

"Yoongi!" Jin screamed, rushing towards the boy bleeding out in the tub. He searched for the wounds, and when he found them, he knew exactly what had happened, and tears shot to his eyes, as he screamed, "CALL 911!" 

He ripped down a towel from their rack and wrapped it tightly around Yoongi's arms. Not long after, paramedics were rushing in and pulling Yoongi from his arms, barking orders to each other, leaving Jin alone, covered in the cat hybrid's blood.