How It All Began

Chapter Two

Matts heart flutters, his cheeks a light pink, and tries focusing on the T.V. Its hard because he can only focus on Tom and how close together they are. He can't stop thinking about how beautiful Tom is, even if he is a little grumpy from being up early. His grumpiness is actually kinda cute to Matt, it's a part of Tom he likes. He likes Tom for being himself so it only makes sense that he likes that part of him too.

Eventually Matt wanted to get out of there, he didn't know any excuses to tell if he were caught with a knife, who would? Nobody usually walks around with a knife in their pocket. He waits until the show they're watching finishes, he doesn't wanna seem strange in any way. He doesn't know what he'd do if Tom caught him with a knife, or even knew his intentions? No, he can't think about that right now. Finally the show ends and he has his chance to leave.

"I think I'm gonna go upstairs, gotta tend to my pretty face, y'know?" Matt says confidently and gets up.

"Alright, that's fine." Edd says looking up at Matt.

He checks right behind him and puts his hand in his hoodie pocket, checking for the knife. He feels the knife and continues to his room, making sure to shut the door completely behind him. He pulls out the knife and sits on his bed, making sure to face away from the door, so he has a chance to hide his knife just in case. He pulls down his hoodie sleeve and takes the knife in his hand. He hesitates, he knows it's going to hurt, and his primal instinct is telling him not to do it. But finally he gives in and goes for it, he presses the knife to his skin.

First a T.

Then an O.

Lastly an M.

He hissed every time the knife cut his skin, but eventually the cuts stopped hurting and he was left with Toms name freshly carved onto his arm. He seemed happy, but instant regret filled him. Tom wouldn't want this, not at all. But thinking back on it he liked the feeling of the knife on his skin. He didn't want to stop, but he knew he'd feel bad for doing it. He didn't know what to do, at this point it seemed it was just him and his knife. He felt so cold and alone, Tom would never love him. Tears welled in his eyes and he couldn't stop them. The dam behind his eyes were broken and they just kept flowing out.

He grabbed the knife, and started to hurt himself more, the feeling started to grow on him. He still felt awful, almost like he was committing a sin. But as fate had it, he felt compelled to commit more sin. He started slicing more and more, and the more he hurt the more he decided that his pain was punishment. He thought of himself as a monster, that every time he said he was pretty it was a lie.

"This is the only way I can be beautiful." he said, and when he was done he put down the knife, the dam in his eyes still broken, and curled in on himself.

"I'm a monster, aren't I?" he remarked to himself, looking down at his arm and repeating what his handiwork made.

"Tom."