Cyanide Nightshade Addams

Chapter Three

Cyanide was ten when the annual seance was interrupted by a knock on the great, black hardwood doors that separated the delightfully stormy and thunderous outside from the illuminated and warm inside. It almost sounded like the great Addams battering ram was trying to crack it open. But that couldn't be, because one, the battering ram was in the dungeons for Wednesdays enjoyment during her torturing sessions, unconventional they may be, but cracked nuts had a very different meaning for her, and two even this particular battering ram couldn't open the front door since the wards that were on it were as old as the family whose front door they protected. They were literally bathed in blood and saturated with the magic of every family member that had ever lived and let's just say that the Addams cemetary was the biggest private cemetery in the world.

Morticia had just finished asking the spirits if they had any news about dear uncle Fester. The poor sod had gotten himself lost somewhere either on the way to the Bermuda Triangle, in the Bermuda Triangle or on the way out of the Bermuda Triangle. No one was sure which, but since there was no body, which meant nothing considering that dismemberment and burning was a favourite past time for many, the family was inclined to say he lost himself somewhere inside the blasted thing.

Of course, the children were up and once again swinging knives at each other and throwing everything that could even remotely be used to kill someone while racing each other to the door and once again they were beat by Lurch, who had just gotten up when they ran out of the sitting room. Even after nearly a decade living with this family Cyanide hadn't found out how the butler did it. And if he was being particularly honest, he was considering giving up on that front. It simply was. Just how Morticia's dresses were all the same except for one that had black jewels on it and were so restrictive at the bottom no one knew how she walked. Or how Grandmamas cooking was always edible even though everything found in that kitchen, from bugs to moldy meat was in the ever-bubbling cauldron. One of countless Addams Family Mysteries.

Lurch gave him a smug grin, as if the bastard had somehow read his mind. Then again, he could have. He always knew what everyone wanted and/or needed after all. In one swift movement the butler had the door open and looked with the same emotionless face as ever at their visitor. Then he groaned. A long groan. A very long groan.

On the other side stood a man in a barrel. No, a barrel of a man. A man whose coat made him look like a barrel with a head. The coats collar was a strange mix of light brown velvet and fur and hid the man's neck exceptionally while the coat was an ebony like dark brown and reached his ankles. The head was pale and bald. All in all, it was a very unique way of dressing, not that anyone in this particular household judged someone by fashion sense.

Lurches groan had gotten the attention of the adults who had made their way into the parlor.

"Lurch dear, why do you sound so troub- ... oh my." Morticia had lost her words at the man's sight and adopted a very surprised look. As did Grandmama and Gomez, who, just as quickly as he was with a knife, switched into an overly dramatic character.

"Fester, my brother, my explosive cannonball of a big brother!" He moaned in likeness of a ghost that forgot how to properly haunt. "Is it you? Is it really you?" The man nodded with a big grin and equally big eyes.

The children, at this point, only rolled their eyes. Sometimes Gomez Addams was more of a child than they were. Then again no one could have a train crash as spectacularly as him either.

Cyanide looked at the man at the door and couldn't help but walk up to him. "So, you are our wayward uncle from the Bermuda Triangle?" He gave his siblings a small signal with a small twitch of his pinky and Wednesday rushed behind the man while Pugsley rushed to the man's side. Cyanide meanwhile held the man's gaze with his own cat like eyes. "Why don't you come in? The rain is not so loud here. Want to play a game?"