Cyanide Nightshade Addams

Chapter Four

Eleven. What a number. Two 'ones' right behind one another. If only the second 'one' could have been mirrored, then the number 'eleven' would have looked like an arrow. Just the right kind of pointy to shoot at that ever so annoying owl with a piece of parchment tied to one of its legs.

The bird was making the fiftieth lap around Cyanides head. The wind caused by the wings of the avian was ruffeling his hair. Well it tried to. But he was an Addams. His hair did what he told it to. Well as long as the bird didn't land on his skull cake there wouldn't be a problem. Nevertheless, the boy narrowed his eyes and the creature landed on a high-backed chair.

"Now you listen here." Cyanide started. "You will wait until the cake has been cut and every one had at least one bite of it. Afterwards I will get the letter, then stand up and get you a rodent, a life one. You hunt while we eat. Then and only then will I read whatever you brought me. And if I need to send a reply, I will write it and give you another rodent for on the way. Do we have a deal or should I just get on with introducing you to one of Pugsley's sharp spoon? And let me tell you it's a very sharp spoon." The owl simply bobbed its head.

Once the pesky bird was hunting and the family was sitting at the table in the garden under the full moon the cake was devoured. And what a cake it was. Filled with Cyanide, Arsenic and a drop of liquid Aconite, it was the best birthday cake yet. And the feeling of the poison in his veins and the cramps, oh it was simply delightfully diabolical. Grandmama had outdone herself.

When the cake was finished Cyanide took the envelope and looked at it. On the front it had a wax seal with a coat of arms. He turned it around and it read:

Cyanide Nightshade Addams
13 Cemetery Lane
First Triplet Bedroom
Third Floor

"Oh, mother come and look at this." He called out and handed the envelope to Morticia, "Look here. I have my first stalker. Oh, how exciting. The things I can do with them. I hope it's a man. I would have enough time to train him into a proper man-servant to be used when I turn seventeen." The smile in his face was so frightening it melted everyone's heart at the table. Those that had them at least. No one was sure about Wednesday.

The Addams Matriarch looked at the letter and turned it over to the coat of arms. With a 'hm' and a raised eyebrow she handed it to Grandmama.

"We shall make a trip to London soon I would guess. No Maman?" She said. The old woman simply looked at the seal and groaned.

"It's only good we have been teaching him since he was young. The trouble if he only started now... Hogwarts has fallen on light times since that fool Dumbda-something-or-other took over the Headmaster position there." She croaked, waving the letter and pacing. "Here you little creatin. Open it and let's see what it says." With that, she threw the letter to the oldest child with such deadly accuracy, its corner embedded itself in the table through his plate, splitting the Chinese porcelain in half.

Cyanide smirked, withdrew the letter opener holding his hip-long raven hair together and, with a flick of his wrist and without taking the envelope out of the table, slit the parchment and took out the letter. The envelope remained stuck.

"'Dear Mr. Addams,
I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Please see the accompanying list for your necessary materials.
With kind regards,

Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.
Headmaster.'" Cyanide read.