SUICIDAl POETRY 😔🤧

My dark place

I try to be happy but nothing is working, maybe it's because my depression is lerking,
and maybe I need to do some fuckin soul searching but nothing will sustain this emptiness I have within, and no one around me knows what I'm feeling and when I look up the sealing is spinning,and my depression is winning. If I tell someone I'm not happy their first response is do you want some candy? Will that make you happy? Then I look down sadly. I sleep way to much because it's the only way I know how to escape my own reality and insanity,maybe even define gravity. Those simple things don't make me feel happy anymore. That's why I just sit and cry on the floor and as soon as someone comes walking through the door I just smile and pretend like alright, and I wish that were true , I wish I didn't have to feel the way I do. My days are blue and nothing feels real . When I was little, days were so fun when I would just sit and play in the sun, and my nights were full of my hopes and dreams. But now everything is like a black stream and I'm soaking in it every day and night. And this is not alright. Somedays I ask myself how did I end up on the other side of life. And I've thought of self medication and I admit it I did have couple temptations. And you might say I'm being dramatic or even problematic but you don't know my mental capacity. Or how I handle my conflicted reality.