Leading Lady

Part 21: Filling In the Gaps

We spent most of the day at Red Rock.

She was doing fine cycling wise, but she seemed distracted, someplace else. I was sure it had something to do with the bathroom phone calls, but I was waiting for her to tell me.

She dropped the bike and sat on the edge of the canyon, looking at the view of the city. She seemed to be in deep thought.

"Kit?" I watched her sigh. "Kit, we should be getting back soon--"

"Sit with me?" she asked softly, not looking at me. "Sit with me awhile?"

"Sure," I sat next to her. A few minutes passed. I'd never seen her this way, and I felt a sense of dread.

"I have to go someplace when we hit Missouri."

"Where?"

"Springfield."

"Why?"

"To testify against Brandon Hughes," she whispered not looking at me. "To keep him in jail."

"Testify?"

"When I was in college, he..." Her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard. "He was so clean cut, great image, you'd never think he'd..."

My heart winced. "He...hurt you?"

"In so many ways," she whispered, shaking her head. "He invited me over to his place. He had roommates and I thought it'd be okay. He got them all to leave. He...raped me."

I reached over. "God, I'm sorry. I--can I hold you? I need to hold you."

She crawled into my arms like a child does, head down and sad. When she got settled between my legs, she sighed, still looking out toward the city. I kissed her temple and she went on. "I told him I never wanted to see him again. He threatened to kill my mother if I didn't. I told my mom never to let him in the house, I was too ashamed to tell her why. One day I came home from class, and he was there."

"So you kept seeing him?"

"At first, out of fear, I was ashamed and alone...young--" she looked up at me, pleading for understanding. "I didn't know any better, and back then things like stalking and 'me too' didn't exist."

I nodded my assurance, and my heart hurt at the fact she felt she needed to explain herself. There was nothing to explain, to forgive.

"He'd find me, and take me someplace...then...." She swallowed hard. "For weeks it went this way, and then I couldn't take it anymore so I ran away from home. Even my mother didn't know where I was,and since cells were pretty expensive he couldn't find me. I stayed in dorms, on people's couches, anyplace I could lay my head. I only came back home in the middle of the night for clothes and stuff, and my friends looked out for him on campus when I was at school."

"What happened?"

"He finally found me, and I told him I'd rather die than let him touch me again," she paused, then traced her scar on her face. "and then he did this, and this..." She showed her hands. "hot water. I ran, we both got water burns."

I held her tight. "I wish you had told me this before--"

"Before what?" She asked. She immediately understood. "No, I know everything wasn't my fault, I am still healing in some ways. Heart's not so smart, but everything you've done...?" She framed my face in her hands.  "We did that. I want you. I wanted you to. You are wonderful."

A lump formed in my throat as I covered her hands with mine.

"I want to put it behind me, but there are more."