Thinking Out Loud

Chapter Three

A/N: Hey guys! I feel like the story will be a lot more personal and realistic if I write from a POV, so I will do chapter three from Lauren's POV. Please comment if you think I should continue on with POV or go back to how I used to write it.

I was taken back by Camila's lips against mine, though I welcomed them instantly. My hands rested against her waist as her hands slid around my neck, her fingers tangled in my hair. I knew this was stupid: it would only cause more problems and confusion around us. And that was the last thing we needed. Everyone had noted the change in our attitudes towards each other, but the girls were the only ones who knew what had really happened. And if they knew that this was happening right now, they would literally kill us.

“Camz.”I mumbled against her lips, though instead of responding her tongue took the opportunity to enter my now open lips. As much as I wanted to return the gesture, I pulled my lips away from hers.”Camila!”I stated firmly.

Her eyes darted open, her cheeks blood red as embarrasment filled her eyes.

“Oh my God.”She let out a soft cry, her hands pulling away from me.”Lauren, I'm so sorry. That was so uncalled for. Just please forget that happened. Don't hate me.”She rambled on as she grabbed her backpack from the floor, her eyes avoiding contact with mine at all costs.”I'm just going to go home. I'll see you at the airport, okay?”She said, her back turning to me as she grabbed the door handle.

“You're not going anywhere.”I told her, grabbing her hand.”You're staying here, with me, and we're talking about this.”

“Lauren,”She pled, her eyes staring at the ground.”I know you're mad, but I jus-”

Before she could ramble on, I placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

“I'm not mad at you.”I said honestly, my free hand resting under her chin. Tilting her head upward, a soft smile came across my lips.”Taken back, confused? Yes. But I'm not mad at you.”

With each word I spoke, the look of worry left her face and was replaced with a shy smile, one that I hadn't seen in forever. Just seeing it made my heart skip a beat.

“I guess we kind of have to talk about it now, huh?”Camila whispered. A scoff escaped my lips.

“You think?”I teased, my thumb brushing across her chin before my hand dropped.”How about we go sit on the back patio? It's a beautiful evening out, plus my family won't be home for well over two hours.”

Instead of replying, Camila sat her backpack down and led me through the house, taking in a breath of the fresh breath as we stepped out into the warm Miami evening. I copied her reaction, my hand slowly slipping out of hers as I stretched out my arms. After a moment of awkward silence, Camila cleared her throat.

“So...”She began, taking a seat in one of the chairs.”What should we talk about first?”

I thought about it for a moment as I took a seat beside of her, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip as I thought on how we should start this not-so-simple conversation.

“When Dinah dared us to kiss, why did you do it?”I questioned hesitantly, unsure if I wanted to know the truth.

Camila remained silent, looking down at her hands.

“I don't know.”She let out under her breath, her head shaking slightly.”I wasn't thinking.”

Her last words made it feel as if there was a knife being jabbed into my chest. The smile on my face dissipated as I nodded.

“Oh.”I said quietly, my eyes locked on the sky above. The hurt in my voice must have been obvious, because seconds later I felt a small hand resting on top of mine.

“Oh God, that sounded terrible.”Camila realized, her fingers wrapping around Lauren's hand.”I didn't mean it like that, Lo. It was like I just finally let go and did something that I had been holding back for over a year.”

My eyes wandered over to those familiar warm brown orbs, a rush flooding through me as her words registered in my mind.

“What do you mean something you had been holding back for over a year?”I asked curiously.

As if she had admitted something that only she knew, she stood up from her seat.

“Nothing.”She said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Camila, I know you're lying.”I told her, my eyes locked on her back that was now facing me.

After a long pause, a soft sob filled the silence. I stood up from my chair instantly, my hand falling onto Camila's shoulder.

“Hey,”I whispered, pulling her into my side.”What are you crying for?”I questioned, my other hand finding the side of her face. I hated seeing her this way. It shattered my heart into a million pieces.”Please don't cry. You can tell me everything, and I'll do the same for you. We have to be honest with each other right now, Camz.”

I felt her head bury into my neck, her tears making their way onto my skin.

“I can't.”She let out in a breath, her hands gripping onto my shirt.”I can't do this, Lauren. I can't lose you.”

I buried my head into her hair, taking in a deep breath as my hand gently rubbed her back.

“Listen to me.”I said, trying my best to collect myself enough not to cry. Normally, I was never vulnerable. But when I was with Camila, nothing about me was ever normal.”The only way you're going to lose me is if you don't talk to me right now.”

Camila drew in a breath, one of her hands finding its way to her face to wipe her tears before she looked up at me.

“It's not that easy, Lauren.”Camila let out in a sarcastic laugh, running a hand through her hair.”I don't even know what I'm feeling. I think I know, but I honestly have no idea. I have all of these thoughts, and desires, but I can't tell anyone because it will ruin everything.”

“That's not true.”I argued, taking a step back so I could look at her fully.”You used to say that your favorite thing about me was that you could talk to me about anything. So talk.”

She rolled her eyes slightly, her hands at rest on her hips.

“I can't talk to you about yourself.”She told me, her jaw clenching slightly. Though I thought it was out of anger, I soon realized it was because she was about to start crying again.

“Well,”I began, a billion thoughts running through my head as I built up the courage to do something that I never thought I would be able to say aloud.”I can talk to you about yourself. There has not been a single day in the past two years that you have not been on my mind. I can tell you that the first minute I saw you, I instantly wanted to know every single thing about you. I was mesmerized by the passion in your voice when I heard you sing. I was so thankful when we talked for the first time. I love that you are goofy and that you are honestly one of a kind.” As I rambled on my eyes were trained on Camila, who seemed to be focused on me, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip the way that she always did when she was concentrating.”I love the way it drives me crazy when you look at me like that. I love the color of your eyes and all of the words you speak. I love your smile and your small insecurities. I love you, Camila.”