TwoSetViolin Stories: By Request

Clandestine

Brett Yang struggled with himself. But he didn't want to bother anyone else with this. He kept to himself, despite his extroverted nature. He'd become a master of hiding behind shallow conversations, and even shallower connections.

His parents made him learn the violin at a young age – typical of Asian parents. He wanted to hate it, but how could he hate something that made him feel sure of himself?

Playing the violin, and learning so many different pieces of music, made Brett feel like he belonged to something bigger than himself. For someone who often felt so small and insignificant, this was a feeling he didn't ever want to lose.

As he grew up, the violin was the one thing that stayed constant in his life. He kept on practicing, improving, and learning. Playing classical music had become just as essential as breathing to him.

He wondered why he hesitated to say he wanted to study music. Probably because he knew his parents wanted him to become a doctor, or maybe a lawyer – or just have a career that had steady income. Musicians typically had lower pay, but Brett wasn't thinking about any of that. He just wanted to keep playing, learning, living and breathing music.

Regardless of why he hesitated, he managed to convince his parents to let him go to Music Uni. And his first year was enough to convince him that he made the right choice.

It was overwhelming at first. Brett felt like he belonged, but that he needed to fight to keep it that way. He constantly felt like he had to prove himself worthy of being there, and he embraced the challenge with open arms. Nothing else mattered; he just wanted to stay and be worthy of staying.

With every class and lecture, he felt pieces of himself fall into place. With every piece of music he managed to play through well enough, he felt his heart become bigger and fuller. With every peer and professor he impressed, he felt more and more sure of himself.

Slowly, Brett finally started admitting to himself that music was his lifeline. He no longer felt unsure of his passion, and the future he wanted for himself. He proudly acknowledged the little truths of his identity that seemed so shameful before he entered Music Uni – even the most difficult truth he never paid much attention to before.

Sexuality wasn't something he was particularly concerned with. He was just hyper aware of how people often judged each other's gender identity and sexual orientation. So, at some point in his life, he needed to come to terms with the fact that he was unsure what he identified as. It didn't help that he had no one to talk to about this particular aspect of his identity. He preferred to figure it out himself, like he did with most things.

A week before the last day of his freshman year, Brett was offered to take an elective summer class. He was told it was Music History. The lectures were going to focus on composers who had significant impact on music and shaped it into what we know today. Before even getting permission from his parents, Brett took the offer and signed up for the class.

"Brett Yang! I knew you'd be here!" Frank shouted, slapping Brett's back with a loud whack.

Brett winced, still adjusting to having an acquaintance who was much too physical with him, "Yeah well..." he cleared his throat, "I didn't think I'd see you here."

Frank laughed, casually placing an arm around the smaller man, "I'm just checking who's here. I have another class, Composing 101."

"So then get the hell out of here, Frank!" someone in the room yelled. Soon enough, everyone else seemed to want the same thing.

Brett laughed, moving away from Frank's hold, "I think you should go now."

Frank scoffed before laughing loudly, "Alright already." He started walking away, "See you around bro!" he shouted from the door, not turning to look at Brett.