You Have Me

Ch.8

The last four days have been a pain. And not because I'm still a mess, but because they have consisted of waiting for Harry to fall asleep (and he usually falls asleep when his eyes can't stay open and his body gives up from the exhaustion of his rehearsals and then waiting for me to join him) so I can sneak into our room and sleep, and then having to wake up an hour earlier so I can get dressed and then sneak out before Harry wakes up. Those aren't even the worst parts of my days in hell. Besides feeling like I've been awake for a month, I have to try and ignore Harry's sad eyes and hurt expression every time I dodge his cuddles or I answer his hello's with a head nod. It's horrible and almost traumatic because I miss him. It's scary and strange, because all I have to do is walk near him and I'll finally feel better. But I can't. I don't even know how to look at Harry anymore. What are we? What do I call us? Friends? Are we dating? Or is Harry really that insecure? There's also a chance that it was just a dream. That I'm just paranoid, and I'm subconsciously, but secretly hoping something is going on between the two of us. And that's humiliating.

Six hundred, new levels of humiliation.

Oh god. This all just screams disaster. Just like my life. It's all a disaster.

"Bethhhh,"

I'm not used to Louis's voice yet (and I should be, because he's been glued to my hip since our last talk) And it's all instinct when I curl up and try to make myself small. So I do, and when Louis looks upset I want to cry and runaway and oh, fuck me. "Hmm?" I hum and slow down my rapid heart rate. The thought of seeing Harry, sad and confused makes me want hurl.

"Why are you out here? Can't stand Harry's moping anymore? He's been down right awful hasn't he?"

Louis mummers absentmindedly. Oh, okay. Now I'm really going to throw up. And Louis going to be furious when I stain his vans with my breakfast, and the hotels going to kick me ou-

"Why are you avoiding Harry, hm? What has you so upset? And why do you look like you're about to fall over and die?"

Louis crouches down in front of me and strokes my cheek with his nimble fingers. It's so gentle and comforting, that now I'm not only fighting the need to give back my breakfast but I'm also fighting the need to have a mental break down. "We're best friends right? Like I tell you things and you tell me things....and then we don't repeat what we just heard? Right?" Louis sighs and sits down next to me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I close my eyes leaning my head on his shoulder.

And yes, okay, maybe we are best friends. Maybe.

"Right," He confirms and I let out a breath before moving away from his hold and turning to sit right in front of him. And Louis probably has the best listening face I've ever seen. It's a mix between a childlike curiousness and complete concentration. It's really quite adorable and really, really funny. "Spill it Mills, and I won't have any of this 'oh I have amnesia, so I'm not going to tell Louis everything', even though, you know you should, because it's me and I'm your best friend. Even if you don't remember." And he's a sassy little shit isn't he. And maybe, just maybe I'm really happy he's my sassy little shit.

"Two nights ago, I had a dream. Or maybe it was a flashback. I haven't decided yet." Louis nods and stays quiet, waiting for me to continue. "We were at some club or a party, I don't remember-"

"There's a surprise." Louis teases and I shove at his shoulder. My amnesia is a sore subject. I roll my eyes and Louis lets out a laugh. "Sorry, I'll stop." He promises with his hands up in surrender. I let out a quick chuckle and nod.

"Anywaysssss. All I remember is Harry standing over some bloody mess of a guy. And then you guys pulled him away and as I was cleaning up- well trying-to clean some of the blood, Harry came and dragged me away. Then we started fighting and he said that the guy wanted to take me away...and then he said he always protects me?......and I was going to tell him that I couldn't take it anymore he didn't let me finish, because he said I couldn't leave because he needs me and I need him and then I woke up and fuck, my tattoo Lou. The initials! They're H.S. And Harry's last name is Styles.....and it's....I'm....oh fuck me straight to hell, twice around."