You Have Me

Ch.12

"She hasn't said much since we came back......I don't know Lou-.....I... she's your best-.......and that's........fuck! fine! Okay!"

Angry footsteps marched down and I couldn't hear them as they got further away. Seconds later The door squeaked open. And no, fuck me. If I had Harry leave me alone for a bit so I could try and understand what was happening why would anyone think I wanted company? Well I don't. But apparently being alone wasn't a simple request for Louis. Well, okay, I don't think I'm ready for this. After hearing about my father's condition, I was lost. How was that possible? Really, wasn't I already on a whole new level of clueless? I didn't even know what to feel? My head is screaming 'who cares' but my heart is saying 'you do, stupid'. And I do. I really do. That's my father. And yes, he may have never behaved like he was my dad and I'm not even sure he likes me. But he was half responsible for my existence. Like there must have been a reason he didn't have my mother abort me.....and I'm choosing to ignore that maybe it was because it'd look horrific and it would ruin his delicate reputation.

"Louis please. Not now."

I turned to look at him from my spot by the window. "But, I brought you coffee." He pouted his bottom lip jutting out. I looked down and surely enough a good sized iced coffee was held in his hand. His (I'm assuming because who buys a coffee for someone else and doesn't buy one for themselves?) in the other hand. I rolled my eyes but held my hand out for the frozen drink. Fuck me and my sweet tooth. He walked over with a small smirk and handed me the cup.

"Thanks for the coffee Lou," I smiled at him. "But go away now." I chirped out. I appreciated the much needed coffee, but I still wanted to be alone. Louis frowned but sat down anyways. Awesome.

"That's not going to work on me Mills. Now c'mere and tell your best friend Louis what's on your mind. Hm? Why is my cupcake so upset? I sighed dejected knowing that I wasn't going to get Louis to leave no matter what I said. And okay, maybe that wasn't horrible....maybe.

"I'm not upset. Why does every one think I'm upset?"

"Well maybe because, you're being a moping mess, and poor Harry is beating himself up because you're a moping mess. Hm?" And oh, no. No. I didn't mean to make Harry upset. Shit.

"I didn't mean to upset Harry" I say truthfully and sadly. I keep screwing up because I still don't understand the rules of this life. I don't know how to stop hurting Harry, and I should because that's the last thing I ever want to do.

"He's fine," Louis promises, coming closer until he's sitting next to me his arm curled around my shoulder and our hands tangled up together (because it's just instinct to have my hand meet his halfway) "He understands. He's just annoyed with himself because he keeps forgetting, how confusing seeing your family can be for you."

"Maybe it's catching," I joke weakly.

"The thing about Harry is," Louis says quietly, like it's a secret. "Is that he hates upsetting you. He cares so much about you, you know? He hates thinking that it's his fault you're hurting, even a little. Because he'd never want to be the reason you're hurt. Not on purpose."

I nod and mumble a small "I know." Even as my chest constricts. My hold on his hand tightening. "I don't want to hurt him either."

"He's fine," Louis says and his voice sounds normal again. "He's taking a walk right now. Probably buying you some teddy, or sweets to make you feel better." The image makes me giggle. And maybe I'm glad I didn't kick Louis out. Just a little bit.

"We kissed." I admit with my cheeks flaming and Louis looks down.

"I know. Saw it on a website." He shrugs and my mouth parts. Website? What? "Don't worry love. It was a power kiss. Sickeningly cute." He promises and then turns his head mumbling "s'nothing new." Under his breath. And okay. What? I'm going to throw up.

"What do you mean, it's nothing new?"

"Oh...like...u-um people have seen other people kiss. S'nothing new." He says again and I don't like his stuttering. Stuttering means he's holding back. And no, I don't like that. I rest my head on his shoulder sighing. Louis lays his head on top of mine and squeezes my hand. And that's all it takes for the water works to begin. My head sinks to his chest and Louis arm cradles my shaking form. He takes the coffee from my hand and puts it next to his on the floor. "Oh, sweetheart it's okay. I understand. You don't remember, but you've told me. About your family and how your parents treated you more like a punching bag than their daughter. And how stupid you felt because you still loved them. And that's why you're not used to being cuddled and touched because you never were as a child. But now on top of figuring everything else out, you now have to figure out how to feel about your dad's health. And you're upset because you think you've made Harry upset. But he's not upset-well he is, but it's because he sometimes forgets that you forgot."

I sniffle and nod my head. I feel awful because it's not Harry's fault or Louis' that I'm the way I am. It's mine and oh, I cry too much. I move my head from his shoulder and look up to his face. His soft look and gentle touch just make me want to cry more, and I miss Harry, and my dad's dying, and oh I'm a mess.

"I t-told you? Did I tell Harry?" I ask and I'm surprised and kind of in awe that I had trusted Louis with it all.

"You did. Yeah. But you told me first, cause I'm you're favorite." He jokes and I laugh. And just as I'm about to say it was probably because I saw him first the door opens and reveals Harry standing timidly with a giant bear in his arms and a sad expression on his face. He walks in as Louis drops a kiss on my head, he picks up his drink and gets up. He walks over to Harry and pats his shoulder before walking out and closing the door behind him. I stand with a sigh wiping my eyes. God, I probably look awful with red eyes and a puffy face.

But it's okay-well it's not okay, because He looks so sad, with his almost pouted lip.

My poor baby.

"I um, I bought you this. But I've already named him Chester, because he looks like a Chester and-," he sighs "fuck, Beth! I'm sorry! I swear I had no idea your dad would be there! I know you're probably mad...and you have every right to be but I....please don't hate me!"

I walk over and take Chester from his arms and place him on the floor because this fucking bear is huge. I look at Harry and his eyes widen. "You were crying?! Oh shit! Beth I'm so-"

I cut him off with my mouth and I feel his body finally relax. His arms drawing me closer. When I pull away his throat makes a small whine but he presses our foreheads together.

"Thank you for buying me Chester, but you didn't have to Harry. I don't hate you and I don't blame you. I've never been the luckiest girl. I mean I've got amnesia and I'm a mess. It's not your fault that my dad's sick or that I can't figure out why it's making me sad. And that sounds horrible because the obvious reason it's making sad is because he's my dad...."

And then it hits me like a fucking gun shot. My eyes are wide now and I'm looking at Harry with a sudden panic running through me.

"Oh my god Harry! My dad's dying! He's sick and he's fucking dying! And I-I blew him off and oh fuck, Harry! He's.....He's Dying!"

Harry looks at me carefully but he doesn't seem surprised by my outburst instead he grabs my hand and I'm not okay with this, because now I can't run away and see my dad. Not that I'm sure if I want to. Christ, I'm terrible.

"Hey, shh it's going to be okay. We'll do what ever you want okay?" He soothes.

And I think there's one thing I should do. And just thinking about it makes me want to whimper and curl myself on the floor in a ball.

"I have to see him." And maybe, quite possibly a therapist.