NEON

52. Part One

Song for the chapter- Haunt by Bastille

•Kaplan•

I walked back to the hospital slowly. Taking my time to try and enjoy the rain and feel the cold on my half numb body.

As I walked through the streets I noticed the signs and people on the streets. Mostly sad widows gossiping with their friends or old men that make it out of bed every morning just to see the sun come up.

It's odd that those type of people live in Seattle. The place that rarely has sunshine.

If I accepted that scholarship to NYU I would see sunshine everyday and witness happy people gloating about how great their life is or how amazing they feel.

Seattle is gloomy and dim but all of the neon signs make up for it.

When I got back my dad was sitting with Aunt Viv next to Cyrus' bed. I turned back around and shut the door quietly.

I slid down the wall across from her room and watched nurses and doctors speed by.

"Hey." I looked up and saw the slicked back blonde hair on top of my uncles head.

"Hey." I said right back. He sat down next to me. I kept my eyes on the floor.

"Kaplan," he put his fingers on the tip of my chin, turning my face to look at him. "Tell me what's wrong love."

"I don't think there is enough time in the world." I said to him, looking at the floor again.

"Then I guess I better get comfortable if I'm gonna be here forever yeah?" he nudged me when I didn't laugh.

"Why am I like this Sunday? Why can't I just be happy and make the people around me happy?" I looked at him.

"You make me happy kid." He put his arm around my shoulders, letting me lay my head on his chest. "Believe it or not Kaplan, you do make people happy. I am happy around you, Genevieve is happy around you. Macy? You two are best friends. You girls make each other happy. You damn well make Cyrus happy and your dad. Even that Charlie kid your dating?" I lifted my head in confusion.

"Charlie?" I echoed and dropped an eyebrow in confusion. "Do you mean Booker?" He nodded his head immediately.

"He looks like a Charlie no?" I chuckle quietly and lean my head back in his chest. "Anyway, you make him happy." I pulled my knees up to my chest.

"No I don't. We were just pretending."

"Pretending to be what?" he asked.

"Pretending to be a happy couple." I shrugged. "Pretending to be in love." I said more quiet.

"How long have you two been pretending?" he asked, his knees coming up to his chest.

"About three months I believe."

God it feels like it has been so much longer than that.

"How long were you going for?" He asked. Trying to change the subject was becoming impossible so I took my phone out and opened up Facebook. "You have to talk to me," he yanked the phone out of my hands.

"Alright. Fucking hell. You want to know me? Fine." I sat up and turned my crossed legs to face him. "I am a fuck-up. I ruined my freshman year because I fucked up and said yes to the wrong boy. I fucked up my relationship with my dad. I fucked up my relationship with my sister. I fucked her up along the way. My mom died. I let Booker into my twisted fucking world and thought maybe I could call him at three A.M because I needed him. And once I thought things were going good, that prick shows up at my house and my own blood treats him like one of their own. Dad invited him. He invited him because I am too fucked up to tell him that his oldest daughter has a leading role in a high school porno. And to top it all off, my sister is in there fighting for her life because I wasn't there to save her. And more of those thoughts swarm my fucking head thanks to my brother that wasn't even there long enough to know about Cyrus in the first place." I was in angry tears by the time I stopped talking.

"Why do I push people away? I want someone to stick with me. I want all of that gammy relationship shit where you can actually trust someone." I wiped under my eyes. "Oh wow. I had that and I told him to leave me alone. God dammit! I am getting so sick of myself."

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I have never been so emotional in my entire life. Do you guys like chapters like this? I don't really get any feedback so I just kind of take guesses...