NEON

86. It's Not

Kaplan.

I was overdosing. I had taken too much of it and I couldn't go back. I couldn't just turn back time. I couldn't throw up everything.

I loved him and I knew that. Hell at this point, I'm sure he knew that. I hated it. I hate this. But I love him and I couldn't wait to tell him.

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"It's like, a weird grasshopper looking thing but not cause it looks like a frog but it's small-" I stopped his talking with a kiss. He kissed me back and I knew exactly where this was going.

"Booker," I put my hand to his chest and he pulled away."I-" I looked at him but I couldn't say it and somehow I knew he knows what I want to say.

"Yeah." He said back and kissed my cheek. "Yeah." He says again and his head falls to the back of the couch. He sounded disappointed? Maybe he doesn't know.

"Booker, you know I-" I started saying again but his phone started vibrating. God dammit!

"I'm sorry. Its my grandmother. I'm sorry." He gets up and answers it. He steps outside and I sigh. I walk upstairs and find his room.

On his desk I find pink sticky notes I write one word on each of them and stick them to the mirror on top of his dresser.

I leave the pen I was using on his desk and walk out of his room. He came back inside a few minutes after I had walked downstairs.

"Hey the wedding is in two hours and I have to get into the actual dress so I will call you later." I kiss his cheek softly and head for the door.

"Bye Kappa." He smiles and I shake my head, also holding a small smile. I leave and walk to my car.

At least he knows, I guess.

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Booker.

"Bye Kappa." I smiled and she smiled back at me, shaking her head. I wait until she leaves before falling on the couch with a giant huff.

I really wish she didn't leave. I wanted to tell her. I could've told her. "Hey Kaplan, I love you. Will you ever know that? No. Why? Because I'm a freaking idiot and I couldn't tell you a month ago when I found out." I groan again and hide my face in my arms.

"Well okay."

I sat up and looked around. I saw Alyssa at the bottom of the stairs and stood up." Why are you out of bed?" I stand in front of her. She sits on the fourth stair up and looks at me.

"I feel a lot better. I think I just needed some rest or something?" She shrugged.

"Really?" That means I can go back to the wedding and tell Kaplan. She nods her head and stands up. I notice when she stands up that she is in her dress. "You sure you want to go back? Dad thinks it's the anorexia again Alyssa." I stop her from putting on her shoes.

"Its not."

"You'd tell me if it was right?" I have never been more serious in my entire life.

"I promise Booker." She reaches out to hug me and I lift her off her feet and squeeze her tight. "Can we go now?" She asks. She stopped hugging me which is just making her dangle in my arms.

"Yeah." And then we grabbed everything we needed and left the house.

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WHY WONT BOOKLAN HAPPEN UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Sooooooo my phone didn't save chapter 94 so I will just fill you in on what happened;

Booker called Kaplan over so he wasn't alone (but really he just wanted her around :>) and they just talked and yeah. Basically that's it BUT it was more detailed so I WILL ADD ANOTHER CHAPTER (YEY)