I wanna be Abstained from thought but not just that also from men from mirrors from breathing at times to. I don't want a monogamy relationship either I feel like it's so dependent and based on the wrong things and lies and almost like saying something and trying to make yourself and that other person believe it like a magic trick or something. Sometimes my emotions don't show in my physical perspective so I cut to be able to see my pain and physical feel it. In all reality I'm not gaining or losing anything from it I'm not trying to die yet but it's just like I want to feel on the outside what I feel inside to basically feel like I'm in control or that I can be. Like it's not constant but it's there like I don't really need a reminder of my pain but I need to know it's there if that makes sense. Sometimes my energy becomes to much so I think and then cry and then just stop I forget to breathe and then all the emotions just take affect and start slicing my skin like an apple only to feel something,but yet I still don't.
