Character Unlocked

Chapter 2

“Look who decided to show up!” Jenn taunted from her seat at a random table as I walked in. I smiled slightly and quickly walked over to her.

“S-Sorry. I overslept..” I mumbled as I sat down. “I guess my body needed the rest.”

“True.. I did notice those 500 mile long bags under your eyes. Talk to me, Mark, I need to know you’re not-” she cut herself off and sat in silence.

Dying. She was going to say dying.

“You don’t need to tiptoe around me, Jenn. I’m not a child. I can handle it, okay? I’ve dealt with death before.” I growled at her quietly. For some reason her words made me angrier than I’ve been for some time. Her eyes widened slightly and she nodded, a look of shame on her face.

“Talk to me. I need to know you’re not dying.”

“I… I don’t even know where to start. There’s so much going on in my head all the time, you know? It makes everything so much harder; Sleeping has basically gone out the window, I don’t really eat anymore,” I sighed and rubbed my face. “Everything has just been so.. difficult. I don’t talk to anyone anymore, I despise having to get up and record videos, something I never thought would happen. My fans try to help, try to get me to move on, yell at me to treat myself much better, but no one gets it. No one. I live in our house, I still have all her clothes, her perfumes, her side of the bed and closet are still all fucked up like that day. I don’t touch any of it. It’s hard to look at, I can’t imagine moving any of it. I just..” I took a deep breath and looked at her. “I feel like a piece of garbage, Jenn. I tried so fucking hard to help her, you know? I tried, and I failed. I failed her, I failed us. I’m a failure, a waste of a human being. If I can’t even protect the one I love then-”

“Mark, shut the fuck up. Just stop talking.”

I stared at her, my eyes wide, and instantly closed my mouth.

“I understand that this has all been super hard for you,” She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “But you cannot blame yourself for someone losing a long standing battle with themselves. You tried your hardest, but you can’t save everyone, Mark. You can’t. She was sick, she had a monster in her that she lost to.  That was not your fault.” She squeezed my hand and met my gaze. Her eyes held nothing but compassion behind them and I felt mine fill with tears. “You did your best, but you can’t blame yourself forever. It wasn’t your fault. She was sick, and it was with something love can’t cure. It’s like if she lost a battle with cancer, you wouldn’t be blaming yourself for that, now would you?” I felt the tears spill onto my face, and I wiped them quickly.

“No, I wouldn’t..”

“Exactly. You have every right to mourn, but you need to stop blaming yourself, dude. Or I’ll smack the crap out of you.” She mumbled as she placed her hand on my cheek, tapping it gently. I chuckled and slapped her hand away, causing an impromptu slap fight. We eventually got asked by the manager to either stop, or leave the building.

We chose the latter and went on a drive in her car, leaving mine in the parking lot.

She showed me the places she was thinking of moving in to, the excitement of a big change clear on her face. It made me forget for a while that my world was garbage.

I knew when she left, I’d remember and fall back into my pit; It was nice for the time being.

 

“So, this is the one I really freaking fell in love with, you know? It’s got lots of room for me and my cats, my gym equipment, all that. I think it’s the one I’m going to choose. It’s not too pricey, which makes it even better.” She turned towards me, a smile lighting up her face.

For a moment, I was frozen by the beauty of it, and how much it looked like Isabell’s smile. I took a step back, plastered on a big fake smile and nodded. She tilted her head slightly and scrunched her face in confusion.

“Everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah. I just.. I have to go home.. I forgot I needed to.. record stuff.. Right.. Uh, just.. just let me know when you’ll be in town next, okay?” I rushed toward the door, my face hot and my eyes getting more moist by the second.

“O-Okay! Bye!”

“Bye!” I called over my shoulder as I bolted out. I didn’t even care, I needed to get out and get back to my house as soon as possible. My heart was aching for something else, something that wasn’t alive and breathing in front of me, to remind me of Isabell.

Jenn smiling at me stirred something, I’m not quite sure, but I knew I didn’t want it to happen. She smiled just like her, cupid arrow lips curving just right; It made my heart lurch in memory and I couldn’t stand to be in front of her anymore.

I finally got back to my car after 30 minutes of intense speed walking, and soon after I was speeding home. I ran up and into my apartment, rushing into our bedroom. I laid across the bed gently, leaning to her side. I placed my face on the pillow and inhaled, my heart slowing almost instantly.

I had a feeling that leaving the house today was a bad idea, that I started something I didn’t want to happen.