Character Unlocked

Chapter 4

Eventually, we moved back to the couch and sat in silence once again. I knew she felt awful, but I guess I should’ve been more in control of myself. I should’ve known she’d want to help me in anyway she thought possible. I’ve known her for years, she was always a good friend to me.

“So, Jenn. How much longer are you here?”

“A few more days, why?” She looked over at me, relief clear on her face. She must’ve been dying in the silence.

“I was just curious. I figured we could hang out some more,” I shrugged nonchalantly, trying to not let on about how nervous me asking was making me.

“Yeah, of course. Why the hell would I say no to that?” She smiled at me, gripping at my arm again. I returned the smile and said nothing about her hand.

When we turned back to the TV, she left it right where she had it, and I still said nothing.

 

“Alright, I’ll call you tomorrow and we can hang out, do whatever. I don’t know what you do with your life.”

“Yeah, you do, but okay.” I chuckled as we stood at the entryway saying goodbye.

“Well, I tried being nice about it, okay?” She giggled and placed her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t die between now and then.” She pulled me into a tight hug which I happily returned. She waved as she walked down the hall and I closed the door after she was out of sight.

I walked back across my living room to turn my TV off before walking upstairs to our bedroom. I stood in the doorway and just stared at it. I knew how obsessed I’d become, if my anxiety attack today was any indication that I couldn’t handle the thought of a world without Isabell. I knew eventually I would have to move one, get rid of all her things, but even the thought made my heart start racing. I calmed myself down and shook my head, clearing all thoughts of that out of it.

It’s not something you need to decide on right now. Just… Just ignore it for now. You know it needs to happen, but it doesn’t have to right now.

I laid in bed, the thoughts of how I’d go about it swimming in my head.

“You’re so quick to leave me behind, Mark? So quick to move on?”

I sat up and looked at her side, her mangled body laying next to me.

“Bell.. No, God no, I could never-”

“Then why.. Why think about getting rid of my stuff? Locking my memory away in storage? Because another girl said it was a good idea?”

“Isabell.. Fuck.. I’m so sorry. No, I don’t want to lose you, I can’t. I.. I had a god damn anxiety attack at the thought of moving all of your stuff into storage.”

“I understand, Mark. I do. I can’t haunt you forever, you should move on. Forget me and all we had. Fine.”

“Bell, no!” I reached for her side as her image disappeared. I flopped onto her side creating small waves. The shirt she had delicately tossed there slid off on to the floor, and I stared at it in horror. I couldn’t stop the tears from over flowing quickly and sliding down my face as I got off slowly, so I wouldn’t disturb anything else, and walked over to it. My chest was heaving as I brought the shirt to my face, sobbing into it.

I felt so guilty. I let Jenn in, I let her help me. I didn’t want to be helped, I didn’t want to leave Isabell behind.  I cried for hours into that old t-shirt, my body shaking and my heart sinking into my stomach.