Character Unlocked

Chapter 5

She pulled away after a few seconds and just stared at me, gnawing her lip between her teeth. I just stared back, not having returned the kiss because she caught me off guard.

“Well.. I..” I started, not really knowing how exactly to respond to that. I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t angry; I didn’t know what I was feeling.

My heart was racing and I was just looking at her as my palms were sweating up a storm. She still had her hands on my shoulders and we were just sitting there in an almost awkward silence.

“I-I’m sorry..”

I shook my head and licked my lips slightly, trying to find the words to say.

My body was reacting to the first intimate human contact in two years and I wished she hadn’t stopped, making the guilt in my gut flare up considerably.

“No, Bell, don’t be sorry, it was nice.” I mumbled as I leaned forward to kiss her again. She pulled back from me and gave me a confused look.

“What? What did you just call me?” Her eyes held nothing but confusion and a bit of hurt.

“I.. What?”

“Did you just.. call me Bell?” I stared at her in shock, taking a moment to think of it.

Did I do that?

“I-I might have. Jenn, I’m sorry, I didn’t.. I didn’t mean to.”

“Look, Mark, I know I pushed it a little bit. It’s okay. I...I understand.” She sat back against the couch, interlocking her fingers together and taking a deep breath. She sniffled before getting up and walking toward the door.

“Jenn, wait, please. I’m sorry, let me expla-”

“You don’t need to, Mark. I get it, okay? I’m just going to go. Don’t… Don’t worry about it.”

And like that, she was gone. I stared at the door for a long while, the guilt in my stomach rising into a high flame that licked up the sides of my heart.

I walked up to my bedroom and laid across the whole of it, not caring anymore. I’ve been dealing with all this crap because of my inability to leave Isabell behind. I didn’t want to move on, but I had to. I had to leave all of it behind, I  couldn’t deal with all of this anymore.

I picked up my phone, messing up her side even more, and dialed Jenn’s number. She didn’t answer, so I called again.

“Y-Yes?” she sounded like she was crying. I sighed quietly.

“Jenn, please come back. At least let me talk to you about this, I need to explain myself. Please, I can’t leave it like that. You go home tomorrow.”

“Mark, it’s really okay, I understand. I.. I pushed it! You’re not ready for it, and I knew that. I shouldn’t’ve.. kissed you. I’ve liked you for so long, but I knew you weren’t ready, I’m really sorry I forced that on you. Look, I’ll go home tomorrow night, and you don’t have to worry about me, alright?” Her voice kept cracking and shaking.

“Jenn, I fucked up. I do.. I do want to be with you. But… Well you know this already but I’m going to say it anyway,” I took a deep breath, sighing heavily. “Me and Isabell were together for a year and a half before she.. took her life. I know it’s not that long, but it felt like I’d known her for years, my whole life. We connected in a way I thought I wouldn’t find again, because I’d never had it before. Then you came around again, forcing me out and forcing me to feel things, anything but sadness and..” I sniffled, feeling the tears coming down my face. “Dammit, Jenn, I like you too, okay? I just.. need time. I know I’ve had two years of mourning time but-”

“Mark, just.. shut up, you talk way too much,” she sounded like she was crying even more. “I’ve turned around, and I’m coming back, I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.”

 

I was waiting for her by the door my heart beating in excitement, guilt, basically anything that I could feel, I was feeling.

She knocked and I ripped open the door, grabbing her hand and pulling her forward into my arms.

“I just need a shot, Jenn. I know I’m gonna be insufferable, but I just.. I need time and patience.”

“Okay, Mark.. Okay.”

I cupped her face, fighting against the guilt building in my chest, and pulled her face to mine, kissing her passionately. She held herself to me and returned it with just as much passion.

Before I had any time to really think about it, we were upstairs laying on my bed kissing fervently. I blocked any and all thoughts out of my head to focus only on her, her body on mine, her lips on my neck.

For the rest of the night, I’d say I was pretty successful in focusing only on her.