When I think of him, thoughts of hour long bus rides full of laughter and anonymous voices melting together fill my head. Lunch periods dedicated entirely to getting the courage to look up at him and see him from across the cafeteria. Dozens of nights spent looking at a brightly lit phone screen, anxiously awaiting a 10-character message. All this for a two-word relationship that consisted of : hello and bye. I can imagine him saying those two words over and over again in my head. The words take on a weight of their own, and that same voice starts to form sentences. Sentences like, "what's your name?", " want to do something later? " and " I love you". When he addresses me for the first time, my heart beats uncontrollably, and it somehow reminds me of my first panic attack. I'm confused, because the two ideas conflict. One makes me feel so hopeless and lost, and the other is the light and the end of the tunnel.
