The Mortal Instruments One Shots

Shes Gone, Im So Sorry Simon--> SIMONS POV PART 2

I'm not sure how long we sat there. Eric was in shock. He just sat there, staring at the ground and muttering about how it couldn't possibly be true. Kirk stood up and leant against the house with tears running down his face and Matt never took his head out of his hands. Eventually I realised that I needed to get to the institute as quickly as possible. I needed to see her one last time before they took her body off to Idris to burn.

I now walk down the institute corridor and I am consumed with memories that were once sweet, but now leave a hollow pit in my stomach. As I walk past Isabelle's room, I hear quiet sobbing coming through the door, but I can't comfort her at the moment. If I do it will be like opening a fresh wound.
"Simon?" A familiar voice asks behind me. I turn to find Luke watching me from outside the door to the infirmary. I hadn't even realised I'd walked past it. Luke had red rings under his eyes from crying and was clearly holding back tears. "Oh Simon, I'm so so sorry," he weeps as he embraces me. For a moment I hold onto him, trying to gather as much strength from the embrace as I can, then I release him and step through the large, brown doors.

The sight I see before me surprises me. There are two beds surrounded by people and for a moment I am confused. I look towards the first bed and see a very bloody Alec struggling to breathe as Magnus stands above him performing spells to heal the deep cut in his stomach. It takes me a moments to make out what Alec is saying through the intensity of his sobs and groans of pain. Eventually I realise he is continuously saying the same thing over and over. "My fault. My fault. It's my fault."
I take a deep breathe and force myself to look at the second bed. Her red hair is plastered to her face with her own blood and her lips are a colourless shade of blue. Despite everything that I have been told, I can't help but pray for a moment that she is only sleeping, and in a moment she will wake up and tell everyone to stop worrying so much. But deep down, I know that will never happen.

I slowly make my way past Alec's bed and towards Clary's. Jocelyn stands on her right side, Jace stands on her left. Jocelyn is distraught. She is openly crying and the sound almost sets me off again. Luke walks past me and holds Jocelyn tightly in his arms before leading her from the room. I look over at Jace. His tears are dripping onto her face as he leans over Clary, begging her to come back to him. He senses me watching him and looks up. He looks ruined and somehow I know, that no matter who he meets he will never replace Clary. He can't, his heart has tied itself to hers. He gives me a pained look and gently kisses Clary's forehead before moving towards me.
"She," he takes a deep shaky breathe and continues. "It was quick Simon." He says between sobs."I held her as she died and she told me, to tell you that she loved you, and she's sorry," Jace chokes out the last words before putting his head down and quickly moving over to Alec's bed. I struggle to continue to hold back my tears after what he's told me. I thought her death had been instant, totally painless, but I was wrong. I am so ashamed that I wasn't there for her. I could have protected her. She shouldn't be sorry, In the one who should be sorry.

Despite the new information, I'm grateful for the space Jace is giving me. Something's you have to do alone.

I take a deep breath and stand next to her body. "Clary." I choke out, "don't you dare do this to me Clary. Please don't leave me," I begin to sob as speak. "I love you Clary. You're my best friend. Please don't leave me. I'm so sorry Clary." For a moment I am overcome with emotion and I just look at her, trying to remember every part of her from the chipped, navy blue nail polish on her fingers to the tiny brown mole near her left ear. My heart drops in my stomachs even more when I realise someone has closed her eyes already. I'm never going to see their bright, shiny green ever again.

I think back to when I saw her this morning. She was wearing her favourite denim jeans and one of Jace's old grey hoodies. As hard as I try to remember the last thing I ever said to her, I can't recall it. I do remember hugging her as we said goodbye though, at least I did that right. I still can't understand how she was so enthusiastic, and optimistic and alive this morning. How only a month ago she had celebrated her eighteenth birthday, and now she was going to be eighteen forever. The only thought that comforts me is the knowledge that she will live on through all of our love for her.

I allow myself to stand next to her bed for a few more moments before I lean over and kiss her temple. "I promise I'll see you soon Fray. I love you. Don't you ever forget that Clary." Then I stand up and walk away from my best friend forever.

AUTHORS NOTE

THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING. I HOPE THIS AFFECTED YOU AS MUCH AS IT AFFECTED ME WHILE I WROTE IT.
Enjoy xx