Only Happy When It Rains

Chapter 5

For the nth time this weekend, Can had to bite back unwanted tears.

He cursed himself for ever letting Tin comfort him last night... for actually allowing him to kiss him, and getting tempted into... whatever this had been afterwards. Sex maybe, or something like it. Can wasn't an expert, he didn't know if it counted.

All he knew is that... apparently for Tin, it hadn't counted at all. He was probably laughing behind his cold, inscrutable mask, about his gullible, naïve husband who had let himself go last night... thinking they were actually bonding with each other.

But when Can had woken up in the morning, slightly dizzy and with a headache from the sad tears he had cried when memories of his sister Lemon had overtaken him, Tin had been nowhere to be seen.

Can had tried to tell himself that Tin was probably an early riser and must not have wanted to wake him – before he had gone to take a shower and wash the stains from last night off his stomach. Though most of it had been smeared on Tin's body, enough of it had evidently landed on Can as well.

Despite the rude absence of the guy who had made him feel so good last night, Can had left the room with a spring in his step and a lightness in his heart he hadn't felt since Lemon's death.

It was all gone now.

He had found Tin in the breakfast room, reading a newspaper – and despite Can's cheerful attempts at making conversation, he had been completely ignored.

As the day had gone by, Can's attempt to justify Tin showing him the cold shoulder with him not being a morning person had become pointless. Tin barely acknowledged his existence at all, and Can was increasingly desperate to get anything from him.

It could only mean that it hadn't meant anything to Tin... that he had just been messing with him... stupid, naïve, gullible Can... who had been easily seduced by a few nice kisses and the alluring sound of Tin begging to use him.

Use him... as if a spoiled rich kid like his husband would ever let anyone use him.

Can hadn't been thinking.

But that was just it, wasn't it... Can muttered to himself, he wasn't a big thinker, he preferred to just... do.

Act.

Maybe he could allow the tears to flow now.

He had finally managed to tear himself away from both his parents and his in-laws, muttering something about wanting to take a stroll in the garden – and now he was alone, outside in the drizzling rain. It wasn't really rain, Can noticed, it was more like the overwhelming humidity of the air that was just steadily soaking into his clothes, and his skin.

Can welcomed it – the wetness and the cold.

It reflected what he felt inside.

When new tears began to build at the rims of his eyes, he didn't hold them back anymore.

He wasn't sobbing, like last night, when he had missed Ley so much it hurt... he was just trying to get a grip on himself again, before things got worse.

This was all messed up and it wasn't supposed to happen like that. Can had come here not expecting much... he had been determined to fulfil his duty towards his family, and his sister's memory. He had hoped he would find his husband tolerable enough to find a way around each other – nothing more, nothing less.

He wasn't supposed to get attached – and before... last night, Can hadn't even known he could be so turned on by another man. But what had really gotten to him hadn't been... that. Can would be able to get over the kisses and the... sex, or whatever... but what had wrecked him good was the intimacy he had felt.