The Remains of Yesterday

Chapter 21: DreamScape

Where am I? I look around wildly for an answer, a doorway to my escape, but none come into focus. I'm trapped, lost forever in the past. 

I want my kids.

I want my wife.

I take a few sluggishly heavy laden step forward and try to stay upright, everything's tilted and unfamiliar. Dark and shadowy. I fall backwards loosing my footing, but land on nothingness. 

I flail around trapped in my nightmares, I push upwards, pitching forward into my own despair. Nostalgia isn't something I love, but something I greatly fear. 

I want my family, somebody please lead me to my family. 

Everything feels so broken now, so far away. This all has to be a nightmare...some hypothesis concocted by my own dreamscape.

But the bruises feel real, the beatings feel real, his words feel real!

What can I do? Where do I go? The only home I've ever known is years away...lightyears away. I'm trapped here, doomed to repeat what I've already worked so hard to obtain. 

I reach for my future...
I fall flat.

I sit upright gasping for breath and Sayori appears at my side brushing my hair from my sweaty forehead and carefully giving me support by patting my back.
"It was just a dream Natsuki, it's alright, dreams can't hurt you unless you let them." She coos and I tear up because this wasn't a dream, I was still here. Still trapped in the past. 

A few tears escape my eyes and a choked sound my throat. Sayori quickly moves around the bright yellow couch and wraps me in another hug. 

God when would this be over? I just missed my wife, my kids, my home, my life... I had taken it for granted but now I see, I had a pretty perfect life that was just for me.

I hadn't told Yuri how much I love her, or how proud I was of Lin because she was going to college and was becoming an veterinarian and she was dating a future architect. I wanted to hug RJ and see his bright smile. Hold Darcy close and say how sorry I am that I missed her dance recital. Ruffle Harry's hair and take him to actually play baseball, together someplace nice just us. I wanted to watch Bill Nye with Candy and listen to her delighted giggles. 

I wanted my family.

I'm sobbing hysterically by then and Sayori pulls me impossibly closer hushing me. It isn't long before she starts crying herself.
"Don't cry Nat, don't cry, Monika and Yuri are coming and we won't ever let him hurt you, never again. I promise, I really really promise. I swear Natsuki I swear we'll protect you."

My eyes slip close once more and I curl into my friend as I cry myself to sleep.

There's a light up ahead, 
It makes me ponder if I'm dead
I find myself drawer closer, feeling every thought like its rushing past me on a roller coaster.

I reach out my hand, wanting a touch, but perhaps I've reached out too much.

My life from before was great as ever
Which is why I should have never been reaching for something that I already had.

The grass may look greener on the other side
But that is nothing but a lie, 
You can make the grass be whatever you need
Because you already have the seed 

If you just appreciate what you have and worked so hard to obtain
Then maybe, just maybe you wouldn't be stuck playing this sickening game.