Dangerous game (Ethma)

chapter twenty six

Em «  really Ethan ? So instead of talking to me and hearing me out you instantly started hanging out with a model so your fans say you found a perfect rebound ? Your personal life is yours only and you're free to do whatever you please with it but you had no reason to avoid me like you did and ignore my calls while i was trying to apologize for letting my gard down with Wil but you know what? after i saw your pictures with that girl i'm glad we never talked cause you don't deserve an apology from me!»

E « Emma please try to understand me you're my closest friend and you know better than anyone that i care about you, but when i started feeling confused about what you ment to me i freaked out i was afraid to talk to you about it, Emma i have nothing to offer you and i couldn’t dare to tell you that i think i like you but i'm not sure i was gonna be able to deliver what you would expect from me not while i know i'm not ready to date anyone and neither are you, and not when i don't even know if you still like me the way you used to or if we're already too deep in the friendzone »

Em «  you're trying to tell me that you started thinking you like me and your feelings were confusing and scaring you so instead of talking to me about it like we always casually talk about everything in the world Ethan you pushed me away and started sleeping with someone else? »

His jaw dropped with the last words that escaped my mouth, words that never crossed my mind until now because so far i alway thought he was casually seeing her as a friend or something but now it all clicked in my head.

E «  how did you know ? Did Grayson tell you ? »

Em «  no Ethan he did a good job at hiding it from me actually but i just know you and after the pictures i saw it all makes sense  »

E «  Emma i'm not perfect we all make mistakes but can we please try and go back to what we used to at least ? I miss my best friend no one understands me better than you, i know i messed up and i know what i just told you might complicate things but if you could just ignore it all and forgive me i need you Em »

Em « i'm not mad at you for living your life Ethan and you shouldn’t have either, i'm just disappointed you treated me like a complete stranger and shut me off when i needed you most »

I could feel the tears coming and i begged my eyes to not water, i tried to pull myself together and not cry in front of him not today not this time.

E « i'm sorry em i know i've been selfish but i swear i was scared please understand me, imagine realising you like your best friend all of a sudden only to realise that you also can't do anything about it, i didn’t know if you liked me back anymore and then even if you did what were we gonna do about it ? We both can’t date right now and our lives are way too under the spotlight, we're not even dating and people are obsessed shipping us and attacking us for the slightest mistake, i don't want to risk loosing you Emma even if that would mean i have to sleep with someone else to keep you out of my mind and protect our friendship »

Nope the tears weren’t listening today and instead of going away i was full on sobbing and man was i embarrassed about it, Ethan quickly stood up and came to where i was seated, he lowered himself to my level and started  wiping my tears away with his thumbs before pulling me into a hug

E «  don't cry Emma i'm so sorry what do i do please tell me what do i do and i will »

I stayed in his arms trying to regain my composure before pushing myself out of his embrace and shaking my head

«  I don't need you to do anything E i just need time, i know how it’s like to like your best friend because i had to live with it everyday for months and i never hoped for anything more than our friendship no matter how painful it got at days but you're right we should ignore that we like eachother and focus on being friends like we always have and sure enough we'll get over whatever this is and we'll be fine »

i think i was trying to convince myself more than i was trying to convince him, i always thought that if someday Ethan liked me back i'd be the happiest girl but i was far from it now and it sucks but i don't want to loose him as a friend so i'll settle for what i can have, for what we both have to offer eachother.

Ethan held me in his arms again and we both were silent for what seemed to be hours until he let me go said he's happy we finally got to talk and get everything off of his chest

« i'll give you time em call me when you want to hang out »

i give him a genuine smile and nod my head, with that he left leaving me alone again with the storm ravaging everything inside me.