falling for you\\ elmax

"because she's a girl?"

(eleven's POV)
i heard a knock on my door. i ran to my door to answer it. mike stood at my door with an awkward smile. he waved to me. i looked around and then stepped outside and shut the door behind me.
"what are you doing here?" i asked, keeping my voice down.
"i just wanted to hang out. talk a little, even." he said. i looked back inside and sighed.
"fine." i opened the door and mike walked in. as we both walked to my bedroom my dad glared at michael. i glared back at him playfully. i shut my door.

mike sat on my bed with his hands in his lap. i sat next to him. it was awkwardly quiet for 5 minutes or so.
"so, i have a question." he said, turning to me. i looked up at him, listening. he took a deep breath.
"so.. i was wondering.. do you want to start over?"
"start over?" i asked, confused.
"yeah, you know, date again." he said smiling. "i know, i was a huge asshole but you don't deserve that, el! i miss you." he reached for my hand. we both held hands. i gave him an a awkward smile. he rubbed my hand. i looked down at our hands.
"i need to ask you something too." i said, looking up at him. he let go of my hand and his smile faded.
"why were you worried that i liked max?" i asked. he looked surprised.
"well... you see, usually two girls don't like each other. it's always a girl and a boy. girls liking each other is just weird." he said with a disgusted look on his face. i got nervous and looked down.
"it's weird because she's a girl?" i asked. he nodded.
"but- you didn't like her- did you?" he asked. i didn't want to disappoint mike. and like he said, girls liking each other is just weird. i shook my head. he smiled and hugged me. i hugged him too. he even gave me a little kiss.

it was weird though because for some reason i felt as if i were lying to mike. it made me feel bad, but i felt like... maybe at one point i did like max. more than a friend way. but, i also like mike. i love him so much. one thing i did wonder was why it was so weird for me to be liking a girl. to me, i felt it was as normal as me liking a boy. i thought about max again. i remembered how we had an argument. i felt guilty. when she asked me if our kiss meant anything, i lied.  it did mean something to me. i was too scared to say it. but, now i'm with michael.