Crave | k.th.

1.

The rain is my favorite.

Thinking of her was the only thing that held me together in these last few weeks. Mild butterflies played peek a boo with my emotions at the thought of being able to see her tonight.

It's been sometime since I had.

I plan to surprise her. I will give her all my time this weekend with mild interruptions if I could help it. She would never expect this.

My visits with her always made me smile. Sometimes they are short, all night if I'm lucky but never for a weekend. She deserved this. She's been the most kind to me and it angers me that I could not reciprocate the same. She's patient and caring; I don't deserve her but yet I need her.

My need for her is beyond an hour, a day or night. I yearn to want to her always but I'm afraid that I'm too abstract for a solid relationship with her.

I've been keeping secrets.

She has no idea of my work though I can't be entirely sure of that. Even so, she never asks.

She has to be curious.

There are times just like this where I'm stepping off the plane and rushing straight to her. How doesn't she notice? Why doesn't she question?

I lean my head back, sighing as my eyes drift to the street light in front of her building. It was always easy for me to be on this side of Seoul. It wasn't hard to hide with the citizens. They would go about their business and not really notice me. Though, I kept my face hidden, I've spoken to some who didn't even have a clue to who I was.

It was a breath of fresh air not to be recognized.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the car door and got out, walking swiftly into her building. I check the time and I know she's expecting me from the message I sent her earlier. What will she have for me? She spoils me with sweet treats on most of my visits as she cares for me, for my well being. She never asks of anything and offers her unending kindness.

Why is she not bothered by me?

My heart pounds furiously against my chest as I make my way to her door. I adjust my blazer and smooth down my hair allowing my faded blue strands to curtain my eyes in effort to hide the tiredness.

I held my finger over the peephole; a minor act that started as a tease but grew to our silent secret of hello.

My finger hovered over the doorbell as I close my eyes and imagined her angelic face. She is always quiet with me, barely says a few words but she undoubtedly know what I want before I even ask.

Is she a mind reader?

I leaned against the door frame in a restless stance and with courage I pressed the doorbell. Hearing nothing but quiet could only mean that she could be asleep. I debated turning around and going back but doing so would just delay my goal for this weekend.

I have to be confident about this so I pressed it again.

Feet shuffled quietly. My stomach fluttered the moment I heard the lock undone.

She pulled the door halfway. Sleep lingered in her eyes as I gazed at her. I've disturbed her. I always do this. Why doesn't she scold me for it? I've interrupted her life for my selfishness and I couldn't even muster one sentence of truth to her.

This will change.

My eyes wander over her beautiful silence. What is she thinking? Is she happy to see me at least? At my wonder, her smile answered my thought...or so I hope.

She pulled the door back more nodding her head for me to enter. I walked slowly inside, taking in the reality of being in a place of comfort besides home but she's very close to it.

I made my way to the couch, melting into it as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Sadly, reality has set in and now I have to figure out how to tell her everything but I'm so afraid. I've kept myself hidden from her this long, I may lose her.

She released a breath and I instantly looked over to her. I didn't even hear her sit next to me, how does she do that? She has the grace of a dancer or the stealth of a killer. Either one is equally intriguing.

I stare at her, wondering what she's thinking. She watches me with such care and concern and I don't deserve any of it.

She brought me a sweet treat. This made me smile.

My shoes were off my feet in a hurry and I grabbed the water first but soon exchanged it for the brownie. "Ah..." I always eat her sweets happily. She is a great cook. My palate is always pleased.

The life of this brownie was shortened quickly and so was the remaining of the cool water with it. Once finished, I tossed it in the trash and sat back on the couch with her.

She was preparing her comfort and I suddenly felt left out. Did she not want me next to her? I pouted as I watched her. I needed her. I wanted to be next to her.

Her brow lifted and she stopped moving. Was she waiting for me?

I took my jacket off and neatly placed it on the back of the chair. Swiftly, I sat next to her and wrapped my arms around her. "Mm..." I can hear her heartbeat and it's soothing.

This was good.

This was right.

This what I needed.

I held her closer to me as if that was possible but I didn't want to lose any moments with her.

"Can we stay like this?" I mumbled, closing my eyes as I melted in her comfort.

"Sure." Her voice below a whisper. It's the sweetest sound to my ears along with the rain and mixed with her heartbeat.

I feel alive.

The melody of our surroundings was the quietest noise and what I simply craved the minute I stepped off the plane.

These are the things that are missing in my life and no longer want to hide from them.

I love you all and I hope you will enjoy this retelling ❤️

+++🌹💋clw