The Only Reason

Chapter 7

I leaned back against the wall, my head tilted to the ceiling as I ran through the events of the previous night in my head again. Even if I wanted to stop, I wouldn’t be able to. It was the only thing I could think of since it had happened.

I felt eyes on me and I sighed, bringing my head down to look at Madison just in time to see her force her head back around and go back to her computer screen and continue typing up the paper she was currently working on.

I felt like she was worried I was going to stop breathing or have a breakdown with the amount of times she had glanced over to check on me since we had woken up a few hours ago.

“Maddie,” I spoke, my voice not much more than a whisper. “Please stop.”

Madison turned to me, her eyes searching my face as she bit her lip. “I’m sorry Emmy.” Although her voice was a normal volume, it sounded like a shout compared to mine. “You just look like you’re about to cry.”

“I’m not.” I promised. “I did enough crying last night.”

I hated the way her face fell even more at my words. Part of me wanted to ask her to leave. Last night I had been thankful for her presence, but today I was just tired, angry, hurt, and annoyed and I wanted to be allowed to feel that way without people pitying me. I wanted to sulk and be pissed in peace.

Before she could say anything else, three loud raps sounded on our dorm room door. My brain went into overdrive, possibilities of who it was whirring around.

My first thought was that it was Ashton. He had tried texting and calling me nearly immediately after Nolan and I had left, but I had ignored it. He had kept calling and texting and around three AM, I had eventually turned my phone off, the ability to ignore his texts and calls waning.

When I had turned it back on when I woke up, I had been welcomed with a flood of messages and voicemails. I had so many that I didn’t even bother keeping count and I didn’t open any texts or listen to the voicemails. In order to ignore everything that was still coming in and everything that would eventually start up again, I turned my phone on silent, disabled the vibrations, and turned it face down on my desk. If I couldn’t hear anything or see anything, it was easier to ignore.

My other thought was that it was Nolan. When we had arrived back at the dorm hall, he had walked me inside and up to the entrance of my hallway, but that’s where we stopped.

I had been able to keep the tears at bay in the car, but it was obvious how I was feeling and what the fight between Ashton and I had done to me. After asking if I wanted him to take me home, Nolan was silent and stiff and I knew he felt uncomfortable.

I bit my lip, trying to decide what to say and what not to say. I knew the situation with Ashton needed to be addressed, but I didn’t know how to even begin to bring that up.

“Thank you for tonight.” I began. “I had a really good time.” And I had. Before the fight, I had been having a fantastic time.

Nolan snorted. “Me too.” He mumbled, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his shorts. He was looking toward me, but I knew his eyes were on the wall behind me instead of actually on me.