My Angel For Murder

Sam

Today is our two year anniversary of being here. I wish I could say this is a good day, but it's not. Each year, Light of Mind Institute throws an annual 'celebration' for the new residents that come in on this exact day every year. We call it celebration day.

The alarm sounds at around 7:20 a.m., the painfully loud and sharp sound repeats until we all wake up and turn our room light to 'on.' They like to keep track of all of us, so our room light is either on or off to indicate our presence.

I look out of the room window, and see everyone else walking down the hallway to go to the meeting room. I grab my water bottle from my desk without even bothering to change. I turn my room light to 'off' and also make my way to the auditorium with everybody else.

"Alyssa?" I hear a voice say behind me, sure enough it's Blue. I don't mind that he calls me Alyssa all the time, it's too much work to correct it every time Alyssa isn't here and it's either me or Angel.

"Hey," I say gloomily, "ready for celebration day?" He shakes his head and says, "More nervous than anything, I heard there's more people than usual that were accepted in this time around, you know anything about it?"

I shrug as we find a seat in the room full of other residents. There's tons of chatter, and it's kind of annoying and setting a bad mood for my day.

"Well, yeah, the office gave me a ton of paperwork to finish for each patient, but since I have the day off, I'll have to finish it tomorrow. Whatever."

Blue nods at me, and before he can speak the celebration speech begins.

The speech consists of the usual "you've all made it so far," and "all of the progress we've seen in you individuals is exponential and incredible," but all it really is is an attempt to make us feel better about being in a mental hospital. It is true that some of us do make progress, but it is simply sugar coating it.

Many of us have been here more than a year only because the institute aims at long term stability and not just a quick fix, it really changes ones' mindset. The ones who can't handle it are the ones who leave us early, to go elsewhere to try and find a quicker treatment than the Light of Mind Institute offers.

As the speech progresses, I soon realize it's time for them to call in the new residents, or patients, to join in on the end of the session to create a more welcoming and safe feel for them. Usually, there are only fifty new people admitted, but this year is at an all time high of eighty. The seemingly empty room soon fills as the herd of anxious people walk in, like a herd of sheep, taking up the empty seats in the back of the enormous auditorium.

Blue seemingly notices my anxiety as he leans over, whispering in my ear, "don't worry, it's almost over."

...

Sighing with relief, Blue and I eagerly depart from celebration day to eat lunch.

"Here." Blue hands me a plate he made for me.

"Can you tell I'm stressed?" I ask, he nods in the midst of stuffing his face with food, "I just don't know how things are going to go with eighty new people here, it'll be chaos. There's already five-hundred, which is enough to deal with as it is."

"You always manage to make it work Alyssa, we do have therapy days for a reason. There's always a place to escape to if it gets to be too much."

Glaring around the room allows me to see the numerous people flooding into the cafeteria, this day has always been stressful for the past two, now three, years I've been here.

"I know, I was thinking I could do some painting today. I'm tired of being around people lately." I say rubbing my temples lightly.

"Well, just finish your food, okay? I'll be right back. I'll walk you down to the Art Center when you're done."

I smile softly watching Blue walk away, thinking about how much he has been here for me this entire time. He's probably the only reason I can stand it in here. He keeps me at bay, no matter which personality shows. His tall but confident figure stands out among the crowd, and as soon as I see him walk around the corner I shift my focus to my food trying not to notice anyone else in the room. As soon as I finish, Blue reappears.

"Ready?" He asks, and I nod. He drops me off at the Art Center and leaves to do whatever he has planned for the day.

The Art Center is a dark room, but the lighting is just enough to light up each easel. It makes it more relaxing. The easels are lined up in a school classroom desk fashion, a single light peering down onto each canvas. There is also a room full of windows with easels too, but that one is usually more busy.

I sign myself in for an hour session, and pick up various brushes and tubes of paint. The stress I've been feeling today sees the opportunity to spill itself onto the canvas. I picture my stress as the world in flames, trapping me with no way out. The oranges and reds and yellows take over, almost immediately taking away the built up nerves in me.

I feel a slight tap on my shoulder, looking back to notice my therapist, Grace, also known as Ms. Adams, was observing me the whole time.

"Good work, Sam." She addresses me, she can instantly recognize who I am; it's almost like a superpower for her.

"Thanks," I nervously chuckle, "this day never gets easier."

"Of course it doesn't, it's a lot of change all at once. I mean, Angel has no issue around people, Alyssa is improving, but you-- Sam, can't seem to find a peace of mind. Is everything okay?"

I set my brushes down, brushing the hair out of my eyes, "Everything seems okay on the outside, but... I don't know, I seem to feel comfortable falling into this anxiety. It's almost like a pot of boiling water that's at the brink of boiling over, but I can't let that happen."

Grace sets a hand on my shoulder reassuringly, and says, "You are way too tough on yourself, you have a rebellious personality that is tough to break. You isolate yourself to ignore the change, but you need to come out eventually."

"I know Grace," I exclaim, "I'd rather go spend time to reflect on myself than talk about it right now. I'll talk about it when I'm ready."

"Alright Sam, don't wait till it's too late."

"I know." I tell her. I take a seat for a moment to relax before I head back to my room. Setting my painting onto the drying rack, I eye it from a few feet away and think it will look amazing in my room once it's dry.

My room is quiet and cold, just how I like it. Nothing makes me happier than going to my room after a long day of nerves. I prefer to be alone, I'm not a fan of following rules or being told what to do.

My brows furrow upon realizing someone has been in my room, there's a snack on my desk with a tiny note.

Congratulations on your third year, celebrate yourself tonight with this brownie and here's a special lavender candle to help you relax. -Administration

A brownie and a candle? I guess I can't complain. Lighting the candle, I settle in for the night in anticipation of my busy work day tomorrow.

Goodnight, diary.

*A/N: I'm super excited about this story as it's very different to what I usually do. An important note though, the type of font used (i.e. bold, italicized, or normal) will indicate which personality is present at any time. Hope you guys enjoyed reading this part!