cursed memeocalypse

ultimate ping pong

it was the Tuesday before Wednesday and all through the 2021 Tokyo summer olympics there was talk of a new sport. people had their theories as to what the sport could possibly be. could hide and seek be returning, or perhaps lava sledding, but the most exciting theory of them all was ULTIMATE PING PONG. now ping pong has been an olympic sport for years, but ultimate ping pong was always deemed to dangerous to even witness on television. thousands of people have had their eyeballs burned out of their eye socket from even seeing a second of it. the players were fearless, they had dicks of steel, no one would dare face a man that had fought on the ultimate ping pong fields. there are many stories and myths of the frightening game of ultimate ping pong, but none are as famous as the story of Ray Piste. Ray Piste was one of the most legendary ultimate ping pong players in the universe. so much so that scholars still question his existence. his birth story varies from telling to telling but most seemed to have agreed that Ray Piste was born with an entire ping pong table in his hand. his mother died. Ray Piste was said to be so good at ultimate ping pong that he actually ascended to godhood, and watches over the school children that dare play the sport.
you might be wondering what makes ultimate ping pong so damn dangerous. ultimate ping pong is played with two rackets per player and four ping pong balls. there can be 10 to 20 players per table. the four ping pong balls are yeeted high up in the sky and then smacked down with a force of 300,476,292 newtons. the players must be aware of where all the balls are at every second, because they don't want to risk breaking one of the most important rules.
the rules of ultimate ping pong:
1. don't die
2. no killing people on the field
69. no crotch shots
4.20. no snorting chairs before the match
5. don't let unathletic people play
7. play with four balls all round
2 again. all players must have 2 rackets
any breaking of these rules results in the death penalty. overall ultimate ping pong is a great sport for all to pl-
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DO NOT PLAY ULTIMATE PING PONG, THIS IS A WARNING FROM YOUR GOVERNMENT. ULTIMATE PING PONG IS TOO DANGEROUS. PLAYING WILL RESULT IN LIFE LONG IMPRISONMENT (if player is not already dead). PLEASE REPORT ANY SUSPECTED PLAYERS TO LOCAL POLICE. Your Government thanks you for your understanding.