Not like a crush, right?

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You put the phone back down and covered your face with your hands. you felt nervous and anxious, but not your normal social anxiety, this was more like the kind of fear you feel before performing or going to a party. the kind of excited, kind of wanting to puke feeling.

@poodlejam_art yeah heh ig

@imallexx hyd? got ur work done? seemed a bit stressed yesterday

@poodlejam_art OH-

@poodlejam_art sorry!!!!!

@poodlejam_art i just needed to finish a piece i had rly fun so i forgot m sorry!!!

@imallexx dont worry u had fun?

@poodlejam_art yeah! like i said im tryna make friends!!

you physicly started cringing at that point and decided to get out before you missed the 2 mins of sunlight london gets in january. you noticed you got some messages but ignored them. you felt a little bad but forgot about it pretty soon. spacing out during long walks had been a coping mechanism of yours ever since you were a child.

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when you got home you were practicly starving. all you found was some carrots, instant noodles, eggs and red chili paste, thankfully all ingredients perfect in ramen. as your soup was boiling you opened your dms

@imallexx glad i get to be one ig

@imallexx oof ghosted

@imallexx dude srsly u there?


you felt bad for not answering but you guys picked up where you left off pretty easily. you talked to alex all afternoon, and after you'd both had dinner you were contemplating asking him to meet for a drink but realized you only met yesterday and maybe it'd be a bit weird. something did go down though, as at about 10 pm alex asked if you wanted to call. you called, he picked up and you guys ended up talking all night too. he was editing some video while you were drawing commissions. somehow it seemed you never ran out of things to talk about. wether it was just goofing around or telling emotional childhood stories, nothing was off limits with him. it felt genuinly great. after you'd talked for about two hours you were tired of drawing the same thing over and over, so you started doodling alex again. he must've noticed you glancing over at him all the time as he suddenly asked:

"what are you up to?? you keep giggling and looking at me do i have something in my face???" he got closer to the camera, to look at himself obviously, you could clearly see yourself blushing and tried to act nonchalant.

"nothing, just... i kinda started drawing you..."


"SHOW ME!" he screamed out of nowhere, you laughed and asked in disbelief why you would ever put yourself through something like that again and he leaned back and said:

"well if you have to know i'm a bit curious how you see me. also i like your art." you blushed even more and insecurely flipped the camera to film your screen. what you showed him was the doodles from yesterday. those from today might have given him the wrong ideas. the last you wanted was for him to think you were developing a crush on him. because obviously you weren't, right?


Alex was quiet he moved his face closer to the screen, you could hear his breathing in your headphones which made you blush even more. but again, you were just friends. barely that even, you literally met just yesterday.


"it's actually really nice" he smiled and almost giggled but suddenly jumped as if something scared him. 


"shit, that's my roommate hang on, i'll be back soon just gotta check in with him. George?!"


he disappeared from the screen but you could still faintly hear voices. someone, supposedly George, laughed loudly. alex seemed more concerned. suddenly the camera shook and you could see alex again. 


"sorry, he's absolutely shitfaced... talktoyalateryeah?" George came into view for a split second and alex hung up just as he was about to yell something. you heard a "eey-" as the image disappeared and you were alone again. you recognisedGeorge's voice from some of alex's videos, he was uglier than you thought. (lol sorry i had to)

the time was 3 am but you weren't tired, so in a fit of motivation you decided you'd open commissions again. as soon as you posted the likes and dms started rolling in. you really had gotten a lot bigger just recently hadn't you? 


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