bench buddies? imallexx x reader (new acc)

This is nice

jeez finally some angst. i love writing it but oh how i hate living it >:(

also there's a part about... male masturbation? i'll leave a lil warning if you want to skip it :)

maybe like 1000 words or smth.

you slid down the door and landed on the floor with your head in your hands. you're not used to feeling much at all and all of this was so overwhelming. it's not that it was bad, you like alex a lot, it was just so much and so different. you left alex's so happy you could do anything and now you were back to being the anxious mess you've been for the past years.

with shaking legs you walked into the kitchen and got a glass of water. you gulped it down too fast and you felt a pressing pain in your chest.

you scramble around, gathering all the trash and make a quick run down to the recycling bins. you pull apart the curtains and turn the lights on throughout the flat. there's a few books and clothes on the floor, you clean it up and do the dishes. you wash your hands and enter your room. (here's the jerk-off part if you want to skip it)

pulling off your jeans you remember the boner you'd had yesterday and it doesn't take long for it to return. the longer you try not to think about it (or alex) the hornier you get and eventually you give in. you pull up whatever porn is recommended to you but you end up thinking mostly about alex anyways. the way he got so close to your face, how he let you shower at his place, how his towel smelled, how he'd cuddled up to you and how he was coming over tonight. you finished into a paper towel and threw it into your trash can.

(ok i'm done) after stretching a bit and returning to reality you changed into a pair of sweatpants and a nice, loose sweater. you pick up the clothes on your floor and decide to change your covers as they're pretty gross. not having the energy to wash your own covers you find (roommate n.1)'s clean covers in their closet. they're a dark mustard with small flowers embroidered onto them, never something you'd personally chosen but pretty aesthetic nevertheless.

@imallexx still up for tonight?? (:

@poodlejam_art  ofc! if you are

@imallexx ye where do u even live

@poodlejam_art  just meet me by the bench i'll show you :)

@imallexx sorry again about having to sneak out like that :(

@poodlejam_art nah man i get it

@imallexx but i felt so rude!

@imallexx i like you and im sure g will too im just not sure he'd be nice

@poodlejam_art awwwwjsjkdnhjsmsksks that's so sweet

@poodlejam_art really it's ok :)

at 9:30 pm alex met you by  the bench and after a nice hug you both made your way back to your apartment.

"woah this is so cool" alex said as he entered.

"yeah eheh"

"i thought you said art didn't pay well" he gave you a playful smile.

"it doesn't (rm no.1) is just rich as fuck. i don't know how many times they've paid my rent. they're really nice."

"what do they do?"

"they own a restaurant."

alex walked up closer to you and smiled.

"nice."

you blushed but alex seemed confident. he put his arms around your waist and you instinctively put your hands on his neck. he spoke in a low quiet voice.

"y'know... i don't get a lot of calm... i don't know. i guess i've just never met someone like you. someone who doesn't need alcohol or crazy scenarios for me to like them." you blushed even deeper. you didn't know what to say, you wanted to express your feelings back but alex had caught you off gaurd. not that you were great at it when you were ready either. but still.

"alex... i- i think you're brilliant" you didn't have a lot of time to regret what you said as alex just grinned before pushing his lips agains yours. it was a small,  soft kiss. no tounge, no roughness. he pulled away and looked at you. you went in for the next one. this time alex pulled you even closer, you stood on your tippy toes and reached your arms all around his neck. alex slid his tounge over your lip and you did the same. you kept making out for a bit before he pulled away, out of breath and panted:

"this is nice. i like this" you both chuckle a bit and alex kept looking at you with those sweet puppy eyes. he's adorable. you still feel a bit overwhelmed and impulsively jam your head into his chest. he makes a small huffing sound and starts playing with your hair.

"y/n... are you okay? i know we've talked about you being on medications and stuff but, other than that?" the question came out of nowhere and suddenly you teared up. it hadn't happened for so long that someone asked about you and not about your diagnoses or symptoms.

"i- i don't..." that's about as long as you got before breaking down completely. alex looked scared and confused but he just kept hugging you.

"it's okay." he said. and you didn't believe it but it helped coming from him. you could feel his hoodie getting cold and wet from your tears as you began shaking.

"i'm s-sorry" you stutter between breaths. alex just shakes his head and buries his nose in your hair. he mumbles into your scalp:

"don't be. i get it." you don't actually think he does but still you start to calm down. after about twenty minutes your little attack has passed.

now, after-anxiety tiredness is the worst. that depressed state where all you want to do is sleep but you can't. alex seems to understand as after you'd calmed down he sat down on your couch, your head in his lap.

"we kissed." you said. just that, just to make sure you really understood. alex chuckled.

"we kissed and then i broke down." you say, a little louder and more upset.

"not because of the kiss, that was really nice. just. we kissed." this time you sound more excited about it.

"do... do you want to do it again?" alex cheekily says, grinning down at you. smiling softly, you nod and sit up. you lean in but stop and look into alex's eyes for a second before he closes them and kisses you again, softly.