Hoseok should go home. He really should but he wasn't planning to. Instead he was drunk,dizzy and really shouldn't be letting whoever is pressing a solo cup into his hands convince him to chug their concoction. He leads the cup to his lips though. Takes one sip and cringes at the abomination of a cocktail but downs the entire thing because he's Jung fucking Hoseok. Star dance student and leader of his own crew. He's the life of every party and like hell he'd pass up a chance to get more turnt up. But most importantly Yoongi who has been going through a rough patch lately has decided the solution to his problem would be dating. And surprise surprise,Hoseok wasn't one of the candidates. So yeah he was gonna get shit faced while Yoongi is on some date with some boy who wasn't Hoseok.
A new song comes on. Some sort of modern hip hop with a female rapper. It's loud. It's catchy. And Hoseok can spot a cute girl with pretty blonde hair (like Yoongi had a while back) eyeing him from across the room. She's not particularly interesting. Pretty girl in a pretty dress but Hoseok has accepted that no one gets him going quite like his step brother.
A sour taste rises in his throats and suddenly he doesn't even want to bed her. Instead turns and stumbles towards the kitchen to very feelings he came to forget in alcohol. He should care more for his liver. The kitchen is surprisingly barren as compared to the rest of the apartment. A few hipsters are huddled in a corner sharing a blunt and Hoseok considers asking if there's room for one more before a strong hand is grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around with enough force that he's scared he's going to puke in the offenders face.
"Hyung.."
Jeongguk' concerned face greets him and...
Fuck. Hoseok was supposed to be hanging with Jeongguk. The poor kid had allowed Hoseok to convince him to tag along with promises of not abandoning him but Hoseok clearly didn't do well on those promises. Jeongguk doesn't look like he wants to punch him in the face though so that's good. The maknae of their friend group has been hitting the gym a fuck lot and he's built like a brick wall now.
"Time to go home you loser."
Jeongguk is obviously trying to sound annoyed but there's fondness in his tone. Hoseok hopes he remembers to make it up to the kid though.
"The...party's juss gettin' fun. Don' wanna leavee.."
Hoseok slurs out a whine. He does his best to give Jeongguk his best puppy dog eyes which he knew he kid was weak for,leaning on the boy fully because he honestly couldn't support his own weight anymore. Poor kid had a weak spot for all his hyungs and noonas and they being only human were known to take advantage of it from time to time. It wasn't like the brat didn't do same to them. It was mutual weakness.
Jeongguk was quick to avert his eyes,a soft blush on his cheeks as he coughed as though to take attention from his reddened cheeks. He just grumbled out a reply which Hoseok could make out was positive.
"But first drink some water. You're supposed to be the responsible one here."
Jeongguk nagged before dragging a pliant Hoseok over to the sink. Didn't seem hesitant to riffle through a strangers cupboards for a cup and force his hyung to drink the entire glass full.
"You know Jin hyung says only losers get drunk instead of talking about their problems. So to save you from being a loser I volunteer listening to you drunk rant."
Hoseok just stares dumbfounded at Jeongguk who refused to meet his eyes. It was sweet. A very Jin-esque sort of affection but it made sense seeing as the older sort of raised Jeongguk. Jeongguk was a sweet kid. And Hoseok was drunk and frustrated. And why wouldn't Yoongi just love him back!
So he lets the words he's always to scared to speak free flow. Cries and sobs. Screams and shouts. Rants till he can't find words anymore. It's freeing. And Jeongguk doesn't seem disgusted with him. Nope. He's moved them to their own corner in the kitchen and has Hoseok engulfed in a suffocating embrace. He thinks Jeongguk cried with him since he can hear an occasional sniffle from the younger. Then they sit there in silence. The noise of the party drowns them and for once Hoseok's heart doesn't feel quite as heavy.
~~~~~~~
When Hoseok stumbles into his and Yoongi's shared apartment it's the early hours of the morning. When the moon still rules the sky and it feels like the world has slowed down. Hoseok wished that was possible. Slowing down. Or perhaps just pausing. Life seemed to go too fast and it was cruel to those who couldn't keep up with its pace. Hoseok felt like he couldn't keep up a lot of the time. He knew Yoongi did as well. Not many would believe that though. Yoongi on the surface level was a strong person. Determined,stubborn and passionate. He didn't let anyone or anything tell him how to live his life. Such a fiery spirit and an unshakable wall of a human. But beneath the surface he was so much more than the persona he portrayed. So much more. He was kind,gentle,wise and so much more fragile than you'd think.
The apartment is dark as expected. But with how long he's lived there it's easy for Hoseok to navigate towards his room without bumping into too many pieces of furniture. He reaches his bedroom door. It'd be so easy to go towards the door at the end of the hallway. Easy to slip into bed with Yoongi and pretend like everything is okay. That Yoongi loves him and this house was a home. That the domestic fantasy he's created and perfected in his mind was a reality. Yoongi wouldn't even mind,he never did. Secretly loved things like cuddling or holding hands but was too awkward to initiate anything. Made sense how he and Namjoo were best friends Hoseok thought letting out a wet chuckle.
He turns the knob of his own door. Doesn't bother turning on the lights,just kicking of his shoes and shrugging off his coat. Morning him would be pissed he didn't bother taking off his jeans but present him is so tired and just wants to sleep.
"Hobi?"
Why me?
Hoseok mentally bemoans. Of course Yoongi who he was having yet another pathetic crisis about would be waiting for him in his bed. The older who he can vaguely make out the shape of now that he was sitting up sounds sleepy still. Probably worried his pretty little head all night over his idiot brother who had purposely switched off his phone and not mentioned he'd be out late. Some part of him is ever so happy that his hyung cared enough to worry and even sleep in his bed waiting for him but another -the more rational- scolds him for being so inconsiderate. Yoongi has been going through a lot already. Looking more pale than usual from spending so much time inside,cooped up in his studio. The fat of his cheeks disappeared from the older not taking care of himself and eating properly. Hoseok wonders if he even remembers to take him medication regularly. Knows Yoongi likes to complain how antidepressants affect his creativity. Hoseok was always the one to help Yoongi out of those slumps now. The one Yoongi confined in besides Namjoo who was always too busy and caught in her own head. His hyung deserved better. Here he was claiming to love the same man he allowed to spiral so badly. He knew Yoongi would tell him he wasn't his responsibility. And he wasn't. Caring for Yoongi wasn't some chore. But heavens does merely looking at the man make his heart ache like someone ripped the organ out and left him with an open wound.
It feels like an eternity passes with Hoseok just standing there staring at Yoongi's general direction. So glad he can't look into the older man's eyes and see the concern that probably swim in them. Stupid Yoongi still managing to worry about Hoseok's increasingly odd behavior while having his own problems. So selfless and kind. Just has to keep reminding Hoseok why he loves him so much. Because he's so good it hurts.
"Umm. Let's go to sleep hyung. I'm tired."
He finally manages to reply. He crawls into his bed and tries to put a bit of distance between them on his tiny mattress but Yoongi is instantly clinging onto him and he doesn't have the heart to push him away.
"Goodnight Hobi. I...never mind."
Yoongi says like he means to say something important and Hoseok isn't sure if he wants to know or not.
The concept of time seems to disappear. That slowed down feeling returning in the darkness and silence. Hoseok is wide awake. Yoongi is as well because they've slept next to each other enough that he can just tell by the pattern of his breathing. His heart his heavy and his tongue still loose.
"I love you."
He says and he doesn't expect an answer and he doesn't get one.
A/N: Whew I'm an evil b*tch. I first made this story for some self indulgent smut but now it's just this angst filled pining fic and I don't know how to end the suffering.
Don't forget to vote and leave a comment. Those are my biggest source of motivation 🤗💜✨
