Lonely Stoner Girl

chapter 2

(Thats the main character, Deena, above)

I guess all kids feel awkward to some extent, but I am shit at making small talk and trying to make friends. I spent the first week moping around and unpacking. I was in a bad mood, I was beyond frustrated with my mom for being a bad mother, and sick of my family blaming me because she's bipolar. The only person who didn't try tell me I need to step around her was my grandpa.

Instead he had told me he and my grandmother tried for years to stop her rampages by stepping around her, but in the end it just taught her she could get what she wanted, as long as she blamed it on her illness.

I just wanted some weed to help me calm down. I was running low and didn't know anybody yet. I figured it was about time to go out and explore a bit.

I asked my grandpa before he left for work where the other kids my age would be.  He gave detailed directions and a small hand drawn map of the nearby streets. Two blocks down was a park, and if you took a right from there you'd find a candy store. There was a few busy roads ("be careful" was written in beside the street names) and along one was a dairy queen, a rec center and a coffee shop. On the opposite side was KFC, a chyropractor thing, a pizza place and a salon. The other had a Tim Hortons, an electronic place,  a petsmart and a bar, and the last had a vintage vinyl, an ice cream place and a couple of clothes shops.

I decided I'd start by checking out the candy store. It was hot outside and I had on baggy cargo shorts and a t-shirt that wasn't tight, but it wasnt lose enough to allow ventilation. I had the hand drawn map and a few dollars in my pocket.  I followed the directions to a shabby shop surrounded by shady looking people. I walked by them quickly and entered the store. Instant relief was granted when the cold air in the shop hit my poor over heated body. 

I decided I  wanted something cold and bent down to grab a freezie from the freezer. As this happened, someone bumped directly into my ass. Agressively I stood up and stared him down. He shrugged at me and walked away. Didn't apologize or anything. I walked up behind him as he was walking away and kicked the back of his knee in, causing him to fall forward. I put a dollar on the counter and left, saying nothing to the cashier or the boy.

I stomped home and ran into my quiet bedroom, then receded further to the quiet in my head. I breathed quietly and left my freezie on the table. My heart was racing, my blood was boiling. I wanted to scream, but didn't dare break the quiet.