Notorious

5

"Do you remember when I was born?" Kristen asked as we stared through the glass at the squirmy little newborns.

I shake my head. "I didn't see you in the hospital. I saw you when Mom brought you home."

"Was I cute?"

I smirked. "You were so blonde you looked bald until you were like two."

A tiny arm smacks my chest.

"Do you remember anything else from your childhood?"

I shook my head, even though that was the biggest lie I'd told her. I remembered damn near everything, from mom having needles in her arms, to watching her boyfriends beat her and then have their way with her. Many nights spent without food, Tyler and I huddled on the top bunk in the corner, trying to shield ourselves from her drunken boyfriends and hiding our growling stomachs. When Kristen was a baby and she would cry but mom would be passed out from heroin so Ty and I would take turns holding her or giving her a bottle.

"I wonder when Michelle and Tyler are gonna have babies."

Comments like that made it hard for me to remember that she was seventeen instead of twelve. If Tyler did one thing right, it was keeping her innocence for the most part. That, and the fact that she was a hopeless romantic apparently.

I laughed once. "I dare you to ask Ty that. He barely admits him and Michelle have a thing goin' on. Not to mention he takes care of all of you. He probably thinks you're all his annoying kids. And we live in the ghetto, Kris. It's not always a fairy tale and a lot of us don't want to bring a kid up in the same environment we grew up in."

She's quiet for a minute, her blonde eyebrows creased together in thought. "So basically, I'm never going to be an aunt is what you're saying?"

I shrugged but another thought crossed my mind and hit me like a damn train wreck.

You could've been, Kristen.

Nikki and I could've been here, four years ago; in this part of the hospital.

The part of the hospital that was quiet, where the only cries signalled new life.

Stop thinking about it. You're just going to dig the knife a little deeper.

What would have been?

Thank god Michelle came running around the corner.

"She's out of surgery! She's going to be waking up soon, come on!"

My heart started beating hard.

Nikki was okay.

I really had to focus on keeping it together as Michelle and I walked from the maternity wing up onto the second floor. Kristen ran ahead of us and I was tempted to start running too, but I don't think Michelle would've ever let me live that down.

"Babies, hey?" She looked at me, her green eyes laughing.

"Shut up. She asked me to go and I thought it would keep her mind off of Nik. And I haven't been around her for four years so I'm not going to be the asshole that says no. By the way, she asked me when you and Ty were gonna start havin' 'em." I elbowed her side.

Michelle snorted. "Not on my damn life. You so much as tell Tyler that and he'll be running down the block and not coming back. Or double baggin' it with condoms to be safe."

"The only one that knows him better than me is you." I laughed.

"I just wonder why she went there in the first place, especially by herself. She knows better." Michelle said, "Seth was saying she seemed upset and just jumped in the truck and then took off on her own."