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Cher

Cher,
Today we made it back to base. We were out for three days and we had to stay at a medic base for a couple days after that but I led 5 men in and I led 5 men out. I spent a lot of time thinking about what routine you'd be going about your day. It seems so surreal in the rumble of terror that somewhere far away there is people living their lives working a 9-5 job and coming home to play catch with their kids in the yard. Sometimes it's almost impossible to imagine waking up to the sun shining in your window and the smell of fresh coffee; almost as if it's just a teasing thought. Today I felt a glimpse of that pseudo reality when I woke up to a wall beside me and not a full grown snoring man. I'll have a week or two more of this routine before I'm back in a bunk. Sounds like our mission was very successful despite a few minor inconveniences along the way but all in all my men made it back, and I made it out with a clean bullet wound through my thigh. I don't mind it honestly because it granted me a small slice of reality that would be up in a week or two. I hope your reality is going a little less rocky than mine. Together we've made it this far.
-James

I winced as I thought of James leg. I've heard getting shot by a bullet felt like a bee sting that spreads and expands. I wondered if that's how James felt. It reminded me of the sting from when Jack first laid a hand on me.

-flashback-

I was tired of always coming home and wondering where Jack was or when he'd be home. He didn't leave notes behind anymore he'd just disappear and come home drunk and pissy. Sometimes I wouldn't see him for days at a time and he'd just show up when he felt like it. Tonight as I was packing a bag I heard the front door slam closed and I rolled my eyes as Jack came in tripping over his own feet.

"What are you packing for?" Jack slurred kicking his shoes off and coming to stand beside me.

"I'm going to my parents for the weekend" I say and he grabs my arm to stop me from tossing another shirt in my suitcase.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" He asks and I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"When have you once thought to tell me where you are? Or where you're going? huh? Or when you're going to come home? What are we even doing anymore? You spend all the money on booze and we are barely affording rent meanwhile you go off drinking every night doing who knows what" I yell at him and before I could respond the back of his hand came up and struck me across the face sending me back a few steps. He leaned forward and pulled the collar of my shirt to his face with an expression of pure rage.

"And whose fault is that?" He spits out. "I'm in this mess because of you Cher" he adds before tossing me back and grabbing his coat off the bed rail. I watched him walk out the door slamming it behind him.

Of course two days later he showed up at my parents apologizing and begging for me back, and of course being naive, young and dumb I jumped right back into his mess.

-

James,

I can't explain it but I had a feeling you'd come back. I was hoping in one piece but I can't have everything can I? I hope your leg is healing well. As for nine to five jobs and playing ball in the yard I've only accomplished one of the two realities. It turns out Sara owns a flower shop and as her drinking partner and neighbor she's hired me to make bouquets and write love notes to pin in the deliveries. Its so hard to imagine while I'm over here cutting thorns and pruning flowers that there is a war happening miles away. I feel like before I received your first letter we were both on other ends of a flat piece of blank paper, and now someone has folded it in half. Does that make any sense or are the pesticide chemicals bleeding into my brain making me go crazy? All I know for sure is my life feels like a speck of dust on a field of dirt and for the first time in a long time I want to change that, I want to try and start living my life. I thought maybe you could understand that? I figured both of us keep waiting to start living our lives. You are waiting to be free from your run in the military and I am waiting to be free from running. Well I just spent my lunch break rambling to you on a piece of paper. Stay safe and dodge the rest of the bullets that come your way okay? I'll be thinking of you, Cher.

I sealed off the letter and walked outside slipping the envelope into the mailbox. The breeze picked up lifting my hair and as I inhaled the cooling air I felt different, I felt lighter. Flipping the temporary closed for lunch sign back over I began filling more orders of bouquets. Receiving James letters always added a bounce to my step. One little thing could make a persons day, and one little thing could ruin it. I heard the jingle of the door opening before I saw him. Turning around to greet the customer my heart stopped and my smile faded.

"Jack?"