Organized Thoughts From A Disorganized Brain

When Is It All Too Much?

You know how easy it is to fake a smile,

even when you're feeling vile?

Your mind is spinning

and yet you're grinning,

avoiding confrontation, 

through masking internal frustration.

In your head you're screaming

and these voices they aren't leaving, 

as you're crawling in your skin

trying to not let another one in. 

        The answer is no, I am not okay. I feel out of control, like I am going crazy. Nobody can see it on the outside, but on the inside I am struggling. So many thoughts are racing through my mind at once. I want to rip out my hair. I want to scream. I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I hold all of this in. I want to push people away, yet I want someone there to comfort me. There is only so much I can do to distract myself, before the feeling comes creeping back. The day feels like it is never going to end. When is it going to end? I'm struggling and no one can see it, because I know how to hide it, I know how to fake a smile. I want to bang my head against a wall. I want to curl into a ball. I want someone to hold me. I want this to end. I want these thoughts to leave, but when will they? Will I be okay tomorrow? I don't know what to do anymore. 

When is it all too much?

When is it time to ask for help?

How do I ask for help?

Who can I go to for help?

Will they even understand, or will they think it's a cry for attention?

According to the Google Dictionary definition of Anxiety, it is defined as "a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome" (Google Dictionary, n.d.). 

When does anxiety become something more, a disorder?

Shaky

Unstable

Fidgety

Fearful

On edge

Confined

Apprehensive

Tense

Insecure

Nauseous

Guilty

Is this level of anxiety normal?

When is it not considered normal?

Anxiety. (2009). In Google Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.google.com