Organized Thoughts From A Disorganized Brain

It's Not Just About Being a Germaphobe

The vines

set their eyes on their 

prey; the alone and vulnerable,

reaching out and grasping

with their tendrils,

they entangle themselves around

these persons and feast

upon their insecurities. 

        You don't remember a time in which you have ever felt super confident in your body. You've found yourself comparing yourself to other people your age. Comparing the amount of stomach and leg fat you had with other people. 

        The summer before freshman year in high school, you have found that you have gained around ten pounds, making this the most you have ever weighed. The thought of entering high school makes you feel extremely nervous so you begin to stress eat, especially at night, and the pounds begins to add up. 

        Shopping for school clothes becomes a nightmare, especially finding jeans that fit your new body. When you find that you are no longer the same size and are having a difficult time pulling them over your thighs, you begin thinking to yourself "How did I gain this much weight?", even though you know the answer to that question. 

        During that year you find yourself losing the weight that you have gained. You are so happy with yourself. Your weight stabilizes for about a year. 

        Throughout the summer and Junior year of high school you gain the weight back because you aren't exercising and haven't been eating the best. Your anxiety has gotten so bad it's begun affecting your sleep and has also made your self-confidence plummet. You become paranoid that everyone is judging you and making fun of you. And there were those people. 

        Your weight remains the same throughout Senior year. And then school ends. Summers are the worst. Food is always available. Control is an issue. 

        You begin to gain even more weight. You're frustrated with yourself. You don't like the way you look or feel. You avoid looking at yourself in the mirror. You're sick of feeling this way. It's time for a change. 

        So you come up with an exercise plan, and the pounds begin to come off. You begin to feel more self-confident in your body. 

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a "disorder in which a person feels compelled to perform certain stereotyped actions repeatedly to alleviate fears or intrusive thoughts, typically resulting in severe disruption of daily life" states the Lexico Dictionary (Lexico Dictionary, n.d.).

Society's standards of beauty.

Being surrounded by beauty icons through

social media,

billboards,

commercials,

magazines,

movies/TV shows,

and more.

How is beauty defined?

Through physical appearance?

Long hair, 

a face full of makeup,

straight teeth, 

by having had multiple plastic surgeries, 

or a physically fit body. 

Or is beauty defined based upon what comes from within?

Self-confidence,

honesty,

kindness,

loyalty,

compassion,

selflessness,

etc. 

Everyone has their own story, create your own. 

As mentioned by Google Dictionary, hypochondria is defined as an "abnormal anxiety about one's health, especially with an unwarranted fear that one has a serious disease" (Google Dictionary, n.d.). 

It is easy to just look up your symptoms on the internet and diagnose yourself with a life-threatening illness.

Forget about your Primary Care Physician, the internet is your doctor.

You begin convincing yourself that you are suffering from a number of different illnesses; after all, you have the symptoms.

Anxiety acts like a placebo,

mimicking the effects 

of any illness 

you tell it you have,

producing the placebo effect.

Let me tell you a story.

        A girl on your school bus gets sick right in the middle of the aisle. This ensues panic in yourself because you now feel like you are going to get sick, but you don't, and the day goes on, until you wake up the next morning and the feeling comes back. "What happens if I'm the next one to get sick on the bus?" This began an overwhelming feeling of panic. You walk home from your bus stop, with this pit in your stomach. "I'm sick", you tell yourself, as you climb into the comfort of your own bed. You go through the next four days with this feeling of nausea and panic that your own brain has created. When you did muster enough strength to go back to school, this feeling of panic continued.

And oh

did

it

continue.

But in a different sense,

that is.

Society's standards of beauty. 

Hypochondria. (2009). In Google Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.google.com

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. (n.d.). In Lexico. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/obsessive-compulsive