The Subject of My Affection

Pt. I - Sad Boy Hours. (Hiryur's POV)

I'm in love.

I'm in love with my best friend, Hotaru.

And it hurts.

But no matter how hard I try, I can't shake my feelings.

I can't make them go away.

And I hate it.

♡♡♡

"Hey...Hiryur..."

A familiar, faint voice called out for me in the dark.

"Wake up..."

I felt someone's hand touch me, and shake me gently.

"Wake...up..."

My eyes fluttered open.

"You're gonna get in trouble..." the voice said.

The voice sounded much clearer now, although it was still soft sounding.

It was Kaida.

Kaida was a good friend of mine whom I met back in junior high. She was probably my closest friend, other than Hotaru of course.

I lethargically lifted up my head, looking around.

I must've fallen asleep.
I don't even remember when...

My eyes landed on Kaida, who was shaking her head at me as if she was disappointed.

"You've been falling asleep in class a lot lately, Hir-san. What's been going on with you?"

I sat myself all the way up, and did a few quick stretches to increase my energy.

"Why does something have to be going on with me?"

"Because you're usually more attentive in class than this. Now what is it—?"

"Excuse me, *Ayane-san and *Kimora-san," Yoshida-sensai suddenly said.

(Teachers in Japan often call students by their last name + the honorific -san because it's a formality.)

Kaida and I both looked at her, widened eyes.

She was glaring at us, clearly annoyed that we were talking while she was.

"Is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"No ma'am," Kaida answered anxiously.

"Yeah, not at all," I added.

"Then zip it, or else you'll end up with cleaning duty."

"Yes ma'am," we said in unison before lowering our heads.

She then commenced with the lesson.

"Don't think this conversation is over," she whispered.

I rolled my eyes, turned my head the other way, and gazed out of the window, looking at the blue-grey colored sky.

The conversation is definitely over.

I didn't want to talk to her about how I was feeling at all.

I didn't want to talk to anybody. After all, it was embarrassing to be this sad over Hotaru dating Hisa.

Really embarrassing.

They'd started dating almost two weeks ago.

When I first found out, I was actually kind of happy (or at least I tricked myself into thinking I was.)

I thought Hisa and Hotaru were a good match, since they'd been close friends since our first year of high school, and Hisa seemed to like Hotaru since she laid eyes on him.

And plus, I felt like the two of them getting together finally opened my eyes about how me and him were truly never meant to be, and that I was ready to start moving on.

But I was completely and utterly wrong.

Although Hisa was my friend, I started to get irritated by her whenever she'd talk about Hotaru.

When I started seeing them being really affectionate towards each other day by day, my heart felt like it was being torn apart.

And my eyes didn't open.

I was being delusional.

I didn't know how I could be so stupid as to think that Hisa and Hotaru getting together would motivate me to do anything other than feel depressed and tired all the time.

But I couldn't talk to anyone about it.

I didn't want anyone to know my feelings towards Hotaru,

So intended to keep it all bottled in, and to continue sleeping whenever I felt like it until it all seemed like a dream to me.

And then, I could be numb, and feel nothing.